I don't like the way it makes me feel.

[So Alex was on the money, actually. Rin smiles, and her heart hurts.]

I love being a mage, and I admire elegant, pragmatic people. Emulating those traits to become an excellent mage is all I've ever wanted for myself.

But some things I've seen in my memories... [She seems to linger on this thought, then starts over.] What someone I knows has been through... It made me realize committing to that lifestyle, and even achieving everything I want might not make me happy.

Hilda probably feels that way too, sometimes. Or maybe that's me projecting my own thoughts.

[That would be the other thing that made Rin change her mind. It, and everyone else's reactions, screaming at Hilda for what she'd done.

Before this there was steady progress, people chipping away at Rin's barriers little by little. In combo with her memories, it started a series of little changes. Wanting to live up to that, but not knowing how. Emphasizing with Alex, who reminds her for someone, and Elda's strange wisdom. Learning from Tarrlok's mistakes.

But that. Every knife-like cry—that was your sister?—had hurt Rin as deeply as if she was the target of those words, and not Hilda.]