at the end of the river, the sundown beams

[destage]

[Well...that trial was most certainly a thing, now wasn't it.

It's probably a while after the trial that some notes will be going underneath people's doors, written in a nice, clean scrawl--]

For anyone who hasn't gotten anything to eat, there will be food and refreshments provided in the dining room courtesy of Estelle-san and I. Feel free to take as much as you need.

Please stay strong, everyone.

♥ Estelle and Sayaka

[True to the word, there's plenty of food to go around--potato stew courtesy of Estelle, and curry courtesy of Sayaka. There's coffee and tea out as well, for anyone to drink, and...well, it's more or less an optional thing. After today, some might need it.]

Comments

[firstaid]

[Estelle's silent for a bit as if processing this before she shakes her head.]

It's true we made a choice, however, how do you think Caren would have felt if we all died as a result of her actions? Ones that were the cause of an accidental death? She was clearly distraught when we discussed her killing Jean-- I don't think she would have handled accidentally killing all of us as well, either. So, while I agree that you who voted for her killed her, I also believe there may have not been much of a choice.

[explosivecombat]

It has nothing to do with what Miss Caren would or would not have felt over the matter, as that's largely irrelevant. Also, don't misunderstand my irritation at the situation as being some sort of guilt over the decision that I made today - I voted for her knowing full well what I was doing, and I regret nothing about making that particular decision.

Regardless, there's a distinct lack of conviction behind choosing to vote for her and then behaving as though the outcome isn't exactly what one wanted, and there certainly is a choice involved, as much as you want to insist that there isn't. From the sound of it, you took another option.

[firstaid]

[Estelle nods.]

I voted for myself. While it didn't do anything, I just couldn't bring myself to vote for Caren or Jean due to the situation. Perhaps I'm only averting my eyes from the truth or running away from responsibility, however, my choice in the end was to not vote for her.

[She's aware of all of this. Perhaps it was some messed up way of running away from being a person who sent Caren to her death.]

However, is it wrong for a person to want to live for themselves? [The most fucking hypocritical words are coming from Estelle's mouth right now.]

It's probably made some people realize how much they value their lives over someone else's, and that's not an entirely bad thing, I think.

[explosivecombat]

With regards to living for oneself, I certainly do. I have many reasons for wanting to remain alive, but all of them eventually circle back around to "I want to." Personal freedom is...important to me, for many reasons, and I'm not going to denounce anyone who decides to do the same.

[firstaid]

But isn't that a good thing, to want to live? [There's admiration coming from Estelle's voice.]

To be free to make that choice is wonderful, and it seems like people may have gotten that realization here.

[Estellise Sidos Heurassein: the only person who could probably see a positive in a dismal situation...]

[explosivecombat]

[...As far as Kimblee is concerned, either this girl is abysmally stupid or she's the biggest accidental psychopath he's ever seen. But you know what, Estelle, you do you.]

Hopefully they have, because the desires of the dead don't really amount to much in the end.

[firstaid]

[Estelle is one-of-a-kind, that is for sure. It's amazing how one's social skills are impaired when they can't go outside for eighteen years.]

Unfortunately, they don't. Final requests can be made, but sometimes you wonder if it's best to keep them.

[Like 'never lose your kindness, that compassion you readily show to others'. How to fuck a girl up in two seconds when she's the reason THEY'RE DYING.]

Yet you feel like you should just to honor them.

[explosivecombat]

I've never really been one for last requests, personally. But then, I've served in the military for long enough that it's something of a moot point by now.

[It's kind of his job to kill people, so.]

[firstaid]

So you've probably seen a lot of death then, and enough of it that taking on their last requests would be a massive burden...

[At least that's how she's interpreting it.]

Mr. Kimblee. Have... you ever accidentally killed someone who didn't deserve to die and... they were no threat to you either?

[That probably doesn't make sense, but she has a reason for this.]

[explosivecombat]

[...There are a lot of ways that he could answer that. None of them are particularly kind.]

...I'm certain I have, simply due to the nature of what it is that I do. Why do you ask?

[firstaid]

[To be honest, she's not looking for a kind answer at all.]

Well, before I came here... it's exactly what I did to someone. I... I only wanted to save them, yet by trying to save them, I killed them.

[What...?]

Yet she told me to keep being me and never lose my kindness.

[There's obviously a lot more to this story there, but she's not saying it. Also why the fuck is she telling Kimblee this? Maybe it's because he's not chastising her and she feels he's being honest with her.]

[explosivecombat]

[Kimblee is a surprisingly honest person, actually; there are a lot of things that he keeps in his head where they belong, granted, but direct lies from him are extremely rare. Distasteful things, really.

Either way, he'll listen to that, and sort of tilt his head a bit at it once she's done, because that's...huh.]

And I assume that's something that you feel you should do for their sake, at least, if not your own...?

[firstaid]

I told you how I'm capable of healing others, right? Back home, I would heal those who were injured without second thought. I thought that if I did, I would find my place and meaning in the world aside from being just a "Princess of the Empire". Belius, however, wasn't human, so my power ended up being a poison to her. She was kind to me until the very end, telling me she understood I was just trying to save her.

[She's silent for a bit after saying that.]

Another creature called me a poison as well, so I can't shake off the feeling that... perhaps I'm better off not existing.

[She hopes she's wrong, but... it's difficult and she's been wrestling with this since she arrived, holding it all in which is why she's been... well... a wreck.]

[explosivecombat]

...I admit I'm not the best with feelings like that, and how to advise people through them; I can't say it's a sentiment I've ever had.

[He is not altogether sure what to say other than "That's rough, buddy," because that's just sort of what his grasp on feelings tends to look like.]

Just the same, I can't advocate for deciding to not exist anymore, either, simply because that's agreeing with someone deciding to give up their potential to influence the world.

[firstaid]

..."deciding to give up their potential to influence the world."

[She parrots those words and the way she says them makes it seem like she took them to heart.]

Have you influenced the world before?

[explosivecombat]

...I'd like to think that I have.

[He isn't certain on it, but the words are entirely sincere; he doesn't know, but it's what he'd want.]

[firstaid]

[She smiles, putting her hands behind her back as she leans in a bit.]

I think that's wonderful. I wish I could influence the world...

[She's a princess, yet she doesn't feel like she's much of an influence.]

[explosivecombat]

Perhaps you can still - as long as you're still alive, you have the opportunity and the potential to do so, after all.

[And that's another thing that he believes sincerely; everything connects, it's just the way of the world. All is one and one is all.]

Everyone's lives affect the course of the world. It may not feel like it amounts to much, individually, but we can never fully grasp the scope of our actions while we're still carrying them out.

You have time, should you choose to accept your potential to do so.

[firstaid]

Do... you really think so?

[The way her eyes seem large as she listens to him, it's clear she's taking everything he's saying to heart.]

I... I want to find my potential in the world and my meaning in it. What can I do-- what is my role? That's the answer I wish to find.

[explosivecombat]

Sometimes the world won't provide one for you - despite what people like to believe, there isn't always a set way for things to happen, there isn't always something you can do that will make everything 'right.'

But in that case, if the world won't open a path for you, that's when you make your own. It's just a matter of holding strong long enough to do that.

[firstaid]

Make my own path...

[She smiles gently at that thought. Honestly...]

I think I know why I get along with you now. You remind me of Yuri since you two are alike, I think.

[explosivecombat]

...Is that so?

[...I mean, he also wouldn't class what he and Estelle do as "getting along" half the time, but that's kind of rude to point out.]

[firstaid]

[Spoilers: Estelle gets along with just about everyone even if that feeling isn't mutual.]

I think it is.

[explosivecombat]

I suppose. I've spoken to him before, he's an interesting person.

[firstaid]

He is an interesting person. Though he doesn't really talk about himself, much, but I've heard some stories.

[Thanks to Flynn.]