Trustfell Mods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trustfellows) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trustfell2017-09-17 11:48 am
trustfellows) wrote in trustfell2017-09-17 11:48 am
WEEK 2.
Two people are dead. Jean Kirstein and Caren have both died due to a tragic accident. Of course, you're not entirely innocent, are you? You voted, you played into this game the Coordinators are running. But you know the stakes now. You know what failure to complete Rule Seven really means. No more excuses from here on out. Saturday is given to regrouping and sleep; come Sunday morning, the clock chimes the hour at seven o'clock and there are no dead bodies to be found, so it can be assumed that all of you are safe for the time being. That said, you'll be feeling a little groggy when you wake up; it seems you've regained something that you didn't realize you'd lost... Of course, exploring the building from here on will reveal something new: namely, a stairwell in the northeastern corner, leading upwards toward a new floor entirely. Another sign of how things are going to progress around here, maybe; chances are you'll enjoy what you've been given, but was it worth the lives of two people to obtain? |
SUNDAY | MONDAY | TUESDAY | WEDNESDAY | THURSDAY
[OOC: Welcome to week two of Trustfell! Feel free to make as many top levels as you'd like and tag out to other characters! This post is for all of your interactions this week... at least until the weekend. Don't forget to save those threads for coins and the activity check!
If you'd like to get in contact with the Coordinators, you can do so through private meetings with Alena!]
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Okay, that's. That's certainly happening right now, and he'll let her get it out without trying to interrupt her or otherwise stop her in any way; he just listens, and he watches her, and his gaze is focused despite the usual odd, deadened look in his eyes. And then she lowers her head and she finishes what she's saying, and once she's done he'll push away from the wall to approach her a bit - not quickly or all at once, it's measured enough to let her know that he's there, and when he reaches out to touch her it's to lay his hands on her shoulders lightly, not nearly enough to give the impression that he's grabbing her or trying to hold her in place, just...softly, for a moment, before letting his hands run down her arms a bit.]
I knew someone, back in Ishval, during the war... He never did get used to it. No matter how long we were there, or what he saw during his time there. He ended up being discharged from the front lines entirely and sent back to Central, something that was considered highly disgraceful by our military. That sort of thing was considered weakness...or uselessness, I suppose, to borrow your wording.
But I also saw that person defy orders rather blatantly, in order to ensure that he could continue to live with himself - he engaged in behavior that would have surely gotten him court-martialed, had anyone else seen it. I did what I could to protect him, to ensure that nothing would end up coming down on his head, but he ended up leaving the conflict anyway.
I never did consider him useless. Even if he couldn't handle the brutality of war in the same way everyone else did, he did what he felt was right, and when it became too much he accepted the ultimatum that came down on his head without complaint, and even if what happened was seen as disgraceful, I've never considered him to be anything less than admirable.
[His words are steady as he speaks; quiet, but firm and unwavering despite the subject matter.]
Sometimes strength comes not from getting over things, or being useful in the traditional sense, but doing what you can to ensure that you can continue to live with yourself. If that involves not getting used to it - if that involves leaving wounds raw as a reminder of what caused them so you don't fall into the same trap, if that involves continuing to think about it, then do that. There's no shame in it, and it doesn't make you useless.
However, ensuring that you can live with yourself means nothing if you don't ensure that you live, fullstop. Do you understand? If you continue to be hard on yourself, you'll eventually be so distracted by your pain that it will make you careless. Ensure that you survive, in any way that you see fit. Whether you're "useless" or not doesn't matter - you haven't died yet, and that means you have a place in the world. The world has chosen you to survive this far, and you can still impact the world and the lives of everyone here for as long as you live. Don't waste that opportunity.
no subject
It doesn't come to pass either way, because she's definitely not expecting that. Touch is always kind of a weird thing to Sayaka, and she's...vastly unused to it. But everyone here, they just...touch so easily at this point, and if anyone saw this, they'd be fuming, wouldn't they. While she does seize up at the contact, she...allows it, and if he doesn't withdraw his hands, she'll ease a bit as he speaks. It's...maybe this shows how much she's let herself slip, if she's allowing it. How much she's just let herself go. The hand that was gripped in her hair releases as well, though it doesn't move quite yet.
Sayaka peers up a bit when he speaks of that man, though. Someone like the man he speaks of...it's weird to hear about, because it's so distant to everything in her head. She's never been to war. She's never known the idea that one could defy their superiors without being cut out at the root for it all, and cast aside while being erased entirely. That's the way the world works, isn't it? That's the way it's always worked, the way it always will work, and--
"Whether you're "useless" or not doesn't matter - you haven't died yet, and that means you have a place in the world."
...Those aren't words that are usually spoken to her, and there's...a weird sort of smile that crawls on her face, even as she brings the moogle a bit closer to her face and just...isn't quite sure what to say to that. Knowing she still has a place in the world, even as she's likely being steadily erased...it's...]
I won't be so hard on myself anymore. [It's...stated a bit softly, because...well, she's not sure what to say. She's never been this thrown before. Or...maybe appreciative?] It's...I've always found not getting over things unacceptable. Because...that's the way it always was, back home. I'm sure if they saw me, right now, they'd...be disappointed in me, for this.
[She...doesn't seem fit to clarify, and she moves on quickly.]
I want to live. I want...to continue helping people, however I can. [She does have a use here, right? She can help people, somehow. She still just looks...not sure what to say, honestly, but...] I'm not going to squander this chance. I refuse to. I'm...I'm going to live, with myself and...through this.
no subject
[He'll release her, then, though he's still reasonably close; good lord, this entire thing has been an experience, hasn't it.]
Though you do make me wonder what sort of world you come from, if people would be disappointed in you for being upset at watching people die in particularly abhorrent ways.
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[...]
I...I don't know. Maybe it's just something I need to get out of my head while I'm here.
[She'll laugh a bit when she says that, but it's...kind of clear her heart's not in the gesture at all.]
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...It's all right, you know. I have no interest in telling anyone anything that you say to me.
[He's not really going to press the matter; it's just kind of a generalized "you do you." If you want to keep doing your thing, go right ahead; if you're not feeling it right now, go on and not feel it right now. It's not like anyone else is going to know either way.]
no subject
That...actually causes her look to go a little more neutral--not necessarily a smile or a frown, but very kind of...cold? Let's call it that.]
People like to nose around a lot into the personal lives of Idols. We know people are always watching us and what we do so they can follow our growth into proper stars. But there are plenty of people who get a little too nosy in our lives, that don't really care what happens or what they say. [Dislikes: paparazzi.] And if they find something particularly interesting, well...whose to say they can't spin it around like we're breaking the rules, or doing something we shouldn't be doing? People will just eat it right up, and then you're done and with nothing left to you. And whose to say that Larimore-san and Jericho-san don't have that same kind of power?
[...she kneads her fingers into that plush again.]
In...a business like mine, there are no second chances. No transfers, either. You have one shot, and if you want to get ahead, you have to be willing to keep a squeaky clean image. No slip-ups, no weaknesses. And certainly no leaving to parts unknown where they can't even reach you.