trustfell | I don't believe in fretting and greiving, why mess around with strife?

I don't believe in fretting and greiving, why mess around with strife?

[In some ways, this trial was simpler. The killer was lacking in remorse, the victim innocent. The lines were clearer. Was that better, or worse?

Either way, Fern and Alex make up something of a green team, preparing a meal in the kitchen. Nothing particularly complicated. Coffee and water for whoever want it is at one end of the dining table. Along the rest of it is a variety of foods. A plate of cheese and crackers, a bowl of salad and carrots for the healthy people, some handy finger sandwiches, and... a big pot of mac and cheese. What they lack in presentation they make up in sheer volume of food. That's a big tub of mac and cheese.

They struggle with the invitations for a bit before eventually coming up with possibly the most awkward phrasing possible. These notes are quietly shoved under doors with little fanfare more than a quick knock.

We got food in eat place. Food is good to eat. Enjoy food with us?

- Fern and Alex

[The dining area is lined up with some appropriate decorations, quick paper streamers and even some doodles that have been taped to the walls.

Its possible too simple. But maybe people need something simple to gorge on after a complicated day.]

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My parents never try to call me, so why should I try to call 'em? They're probably dead anyway. [ Which is a tad bit more upsetting than she thought it would be as a thought, but. Whatever. They don't want to talk to her, she doesn't want to talk to them~ ] And they're totally old and like, super traditional! They never appreciated my likes anyway.

[ With a hair flip, though that slowly turns to carding her fingers through her ponytail idly. ]

As for Deldro... Yeah, of course I miss him when I think about him, but not like, all the time? I've got way too much going on for that! And, you know, like... I'm gonna get him back anyway, so there's no point to missing him too much? It's just a matter of time. [ ...correction she doesn't get clingy except over things that are "hers" ] And if he dies, like, I'll be upset! But I've had other boyfriends and loves in the past, and him dying just means he wasn't actually the one, you know~?

[ god alex did not deserve a single part of this conversation ]

[ WELL, SHE ASKED, DIDN'T SHE. The more this conversation goes on, the more tense Alex becomes. Probably dead? Not "the one?" Not...

She fixes her with a hard stare and speaks firmly...trying to shove down a lump in her throat. ]

Lemme fill you in on something, Aligula. You're...pretty much an outlier, then. Sure, people...grieve and move on eventually, usually, but- they don't look at people they love and think "well, if you die, it'll be fine." They don't work like that. They get upset. They know it's- even reasonably, that...life isn't over and it could go on, but- it's not reasonable, grief. It's like...being swallowed up by a- an endless dark void and...becoming it.

[ To look into the nothingness and feel it move in you-- Alex sucks in a breath. ]

So...it's hard to be reasonable like that. You overcompensate and reach, even though you know it's not...really right, sometimes. Like Fern with the younger folk. Like...any of that. That's what it feels like for most other people.

[ ...Alex needs to work through a lot of things and Aligula is not the one to do it at, that's what I'm getting— ]

That sounds bothersome. [ Aligula cards her fingers once, twice through her ponytail, then undoes her ribbon so she can do it to her hair properly. Just for a bit, while she talks; she'll put it back up as she does this too, expertly. ] You dumb-dumb, there's like, nothing to gain from crying and being a totally suffocating mess at the rest of us. That's all.

[ Because obviously she's gotten a little sulky, a little irritable, a little not-herself from today's trial, and that's sort of coming back when she talks to people who sit here and feelings at her like she's supposed to care what they think— like she's supposed to feel bad because they're upset in the crying-suffocating way and she's not, and guess what? She doesn't, not really. ]

Maybe there's like, people who find that comforting? Maybe you're into the whole mommy scene, I don't know, but to me, it just seems like it'd be so freakin' annoying for some woman who's hardly like, even experienced what life's really about.

[ Everyone's so young compared to her, after all. ]

[ Alex needs to work through a lot of things that is true-- ]

I'm not saying there's anything to- to gain from it, I'm just- I'm saying it happens and it's...not reasonable, or rational, that's the point of it. Grief makes sense, but it doesn't. [ She sighs roughly and fidgets with her jacket. ] It's- ...what's it about then? To- to you. I don't get... I can't understand it, how...people like you look at things, so- what's life about, to someone who's seen so much?

[ What's life about, to someone who's seen so much? ... ]

Enjoying as much of it as you can, of course! Finding things that interest you! Chasing your dreams, no matter what gets in the way! [ A little fist pump to go with each of these, though she lowers her hands and laces her fingers together. ] Stuff like that. Just have fun with as much as you can and don't get down too long, you know? Being sad's boring, and for someone like me... That's totally as bad as dying.

[ Getting bored with everything, especially since they have seen so much... ]

I always end up revisiting hobbies and junk like that after a while, or I used to? But it's totally easy to keep myself entertained in this day and age! [ ....... ] Here aside. "What's fun" is a little limited here.

[ Hm... Really, she's just... ]

So...you're like the ultimate go-getter. Enjoy yourself and...do whatever you can to stay that way.

[ She keeps fiddling with her jacket. ]

But...you do all that without people you're really close to- besides your...boyfriend. And you really don't- you enjoy doing all those hobbies without people? Without...friends?

I have... [ .... ] Associates. Back home, I'm part of a group called "the Thirteen Kings". That's where my Queen of Monomania title comes from! We have parties and watch the city bust itself up every day. Sometimes someone's got a totally fun idea and we watch that kinda stuff play out too—it's totally a bummer that like, most of the time their schemes totally tank because of a buncha goody-two-shoes? But it's good when it's good!

[ ...oh, right— ]

We also have rock-paper-scissors tournaments and stuff like that too, though I'm totally not interested in playing games like that, so I usually just watch or talk to Femt, since he doesn't always play either. But like... [ Hmmm. ] I totally wouldn't call us friends or anything, since like, stuff kinda just boils down to "we hang out and do favors if it's favorable for us" most of the time.

[ ...aligula is a super villain isn't she-- ]

...Well...for a lot of us, we do the same things you do- uh, hobbies, chasing dreams, and all that, but... I dunno, it all means more with people to share it with. Like...personally, not just as associates. But you just...don't care about things like that? So...it's easy for you to just...move on when bad things happen.

[ she doesn't want to say it, but...it all sounds kind of empty, in a way. ]

[ ...... ]

You and Attentive sure like to try and understand people, huh?

[ Just an observation. ]

[ Alex's face flushes and she stammers like a gulping fish. ]

I- w-well is that really so- so bad, it- I guess I do, but it's- I've taken to thinking it's...good, understanding, maybe things would be...better if there was more of that good ol' understanding.

[ oh my god alex also gets like this when she's called out, aligula's giggling. ]

You're fine, Alex! Don't get all nervous, geez. Is that a teenage girl thing...? [ Oh Well. ] You can't hope to understand everyone though, you know? That's just not how things work out most of the time.

[ relaxes a little, at least she's in good company tbh ]

Well, yeah, but... Doesn't it mean something to a least try?

[ at least she is, also aligula likes sayaka so... she's gonna end up liking alex too sorry ]

...Yeah, to a lot of people. I think it's cute! [ Cute. ] And your determination? Totally admirable~! Stick to your guns and push until you win, that's totally how to play Life!

[ oh no rip ]

Play, like you're talking about the board game... [ A H E M ] Uh. Thank you, I... Yeah, thanks. If there's one thing I got, it's that I'm a stubborn sucker.

It's so totally not the worst thing to have. Stubborn's like, really great as long as you're not ignorant along with it, and as for being a sucker... Well, most people like a little sucking~

[ oh my god i'm so sorry ]

[ like a little- oH MY GOD- ]

N-not like that!!

[ SHE'S CACKLING, OHHHH BOY ]

I totally never said it like that! [ she so fucking did, don't believe her lies ] You being a sucker makes everyone feel better about themselves, that's all! That's totally, definitely, ab-so-lute-ly what I meant!

No it's not! [ SHE IS CALLING YOU OUT ] You- you made all those sex questions, you're absolutely talkin' about sex!

[ MEAN!!! ]

There weren't that many sex questions! You should've totally pointed out my title's Amorous, that would've had waaaay more weight than my totally awesome questions~!

Well- you asked about kinkshaming! That one earns like, three points on its own!

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I don't believe in fretting and greiving, why mess around with strife?

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