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don't wait for a knight in shinin' armor, your savior's reflected in the mirror
[That sure was a fucking thing. That execution was a fucking thing. Those secrets are a fucking thing.
Cabanela retreats to his room, but not for all that long. Everyone will get a note eventually, written in very neat handwriting
I do not plan on bowing down to threats and intimidation. If you did not act, it means you were, like me, aware of the risk, but decided against it. Your reasons are entirely your own.
Join me in the dining room if you agree enough is enough, and that you won't acquiesce to threats. I don't plan to let this stop me, and neither should you.
-C
In the dining room itself, Cabanela has set up coffee and tea for those who want it-- there's no food, because to be honest, he doesn't know how to cook. Two more candles have been lit-- he wasn't really sure what to do about the whole... parasite thing... so Fern's candle will have to make due.]
Cabanela retreats to his room, but not for all that long. Everyone will get a note eventually, written in very neat handwriting
I do not plan on bowing down to threats and intimidation. If you did not act, it means you were, like me, aware of the risk, but decided against it. Your reasons are entirely your own.
Join me in the dining room if you agree enough is enough, and that you won't acquiesce to threats. I don't plan to let this stop me, and neither should you.
-C
In the dining room itself, Cabanela has set up coffee and tea for those who want it-- there's no food, because to be honest, he doesn't know how to cook. Two more candles have been lit-- he wasn't really sure what to do about the whole... parasite thing... so Fern's candle will have to make due.]
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[ . . . ]
Still, I already told you, right? I won't end the exercise just like that.
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[She'll take another sip.]
I worry about not being enough, I admit, but...I know. I still don't think I could really ever blame you.
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[ Like, seriously, girl. ] That stage you wanted to stand on took fourteen people to get there, huh?
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[...Let's not go down this path. Yet again...]
Half of it was manager's orders, I want to say. The rest was instinctive. All of it was over time, starting after we gained steam. I let the environment influence me so much that it just...became instinct. It's pretty laughable, isn't it? An industry of cute, pure, wholesome, sweet girls...and we're all just tearing each other to veritable shreds.
[Sayaka laughs, but the sound isn't nice.]
I just wanted to be loved, for once.
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There's a sharp intake of breath at that. She's betraying herself, isn't she? The woman can't help but shiver a little at that version of events. Honestly, she was going to praise the gumption, but that somehow feels... hollow. It feels lacking. She doesn't quite know what the right words are, or if she can provide them. Can she truly say that her haphazard feelings towards a human can possibly fill that?
... Of course not, that's arrogant.
So instead, she stands from her seat. She walks around the table, and walks towards the other, her arms spread. She doesn't go in for the hug immediately though - she knows the girl is skittish, and she's asking for it with her body language. ]
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Maybe it's just...everything that's happening today, and all of the weird emotions that came with it.
But Sayaka's eyes go wide at what Elda's offering her, and...well, it's probably embarrassing how fast she goes and hugs Elda. She's got no crushing strength, or anything of the like, and it all feels...weirdly twitchy. It'll be like that for a bit until Sayaka eases a bit, but she buries her face into the woman's shoulder and just...
Kind of let's herself stay there, if Elda will let her. It's...nice. She never really got this, anywhere else.]
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They gently scratch Sayaka's back in the embrace. The touch is soft, through her top and holding her. But this always used to calm down Henry when he was small. So she'll...
She'll do this while she confronts the storm of feelings she has inside of her. For now, she simply wants to express for Sayaka a simple truth: ]
There, there. I'm here for you.
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[Sayaka just...clings.]
...I wish...I could be as there for you, as you have been for me. I...feel like just a leech...
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[ She ... she needs to express herself more. But she's not even certain what she wants to express, what she even can allow herself to feel. The emotions within her are a mess, and the holds a lot of them back as she simply gently rakes her nails on the girl's back. ]
To worry about me, to bring me that blood, to keep my secret... all of those things are tremendous.
[ And... ]
... Besides. It's something of the duty of the old to look after the young. That doesn't make you a leech. That's normal.
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...God, she's fucked up.]
...I didn't want you to die. I didn't want you to have to suffer. No one deserves that, and you don't.
I...really appreciate it. [...] It's never a problem to do any of that. Never was, and never will be.
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... She doubts it. She really, truly doubts it, and that's her first thought. And she hates that it's her first thought, feels it as a bile in her throat. That her second thought is to sardonically compare herself to Green, if only in her own head...
... Bah.
It should feel more more of a victory, shouldn't it? ]
To say no one deserves it always sounds so trite to me.
[ Her voice is tinged with dark nostalgia. ]
But it's kind to think that, and I'm glad you do of me.
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I wouldn't say you're a replacement for my mother, or anything like that. That'd both imply that she was in my life for long enough to impact it, and that...well, I know what having one really feels like.
It's nice, honestly. A bit silly, sometimes, but nice. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
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... ]
... I'm not Green, here.
[ she breathes that out before she can stop herself, feeling the leaden ball in her stomach. ]
... I do care about you, girl. Remember it well.
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[Sayaka lifts her head a bit, and...smiles, genuinely.]
I will. I think even with everything going on, it's hard to forget. You know?
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But despite herself, well... ]
Green was too young to be shouldering what she liked to think she ought to.
[ Too young, too impulsive, too stupid, clearly. And she had suffered so much before now... The woman might well have been cursed, honestly.
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Mmm. It probably came with having her son, wouldn't you say? She grew up too quickly, and it left her with so much stress on top of...all of that.
[...the shit she had going on, basically. Jesus christ, Fern.]
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Even so.
[ She... she shakes her head ]
I've gotten far too old if I'm sad over that cretin.
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[She pauses a bit.]
Did you know Fern-san very well?
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... Yes. Deeply so. She's to young to be so uppity, she projected about everything. But she's also too young to have suffered what she had. It's... impossible to think of her some other way.
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...I think I understand. She could be a little overbearing, but...sometimes it's a result of circumstances, and how people adapt to it, I think.
[She doesn't want to be cruel to her memory of Fern. She was a good person, who didn't deserve...any of that.]
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... She doesn't want to talk about Fern. She doesn't want to think about Fern. But she can't get the damned Green woman out of her head. She wishes it could feel more like a win than it did. ]
... I swore I'd caught her back there. That felt good, after all the trouble she'd given me.