don't wait for a knight in shinin' armor, your savior's reflected in the mirror

[perpend]

[That sure was a fucking thing. That execution was a fucking thing. Those secrets are a fucking thing.

Cabanela retreats to his room, but not for all that long. Everyone will get a note eventually, written in very neat handwriting

I do not plan on bowing down to threats and intimidation. If you did not act, it means you were, like me, aware of the risk, but decided against it. Your reasons are entirely your own.

Join me in the dining room if you agree enough is enough, and that you won't acquiesce to threats. I don't plan to let this stop me, and neither should you.

-C

In the dining room itself, Cabanela has set up coffee and tea for those who want it-- there's no food, because to be honest, he doesn't know how to cook. Two more candles have been lit-- he wasn't really sure what to do about the whole... parasite thing... so Fern's candle will have to make due.]

Comments

[sleepytimegal]

Uhh... I made a bad choice. I wanted to save myself, and...it screwed over a girl I knew.

[zomgboom]

You can't save everyone, you know. [Tabby actually adopts a more serious tone for this.] Sometimes you have to, like. Cut yourself some slack for not always, like, making the perfect choices or whatever.

[sleepytimegal]

Yeah, I know. But we had other options. And...I told her best friend "yeah, I traded her so we'll all be fine," like that was a good thing.

[zomgboom]

Life isn't multiple choice, Alex. It's, like, an essay question or whatever? Sometimes there isn't really a "right" or "wrong," it's just, like. The choice you made and the one you didn't - short of with time travel, it's not something you can undo.

The other choices don't, like, become better just because you didn't take them. You get me? Even if you have the option to, like, sacrifice yourself or something? One of those choices that always looks like the correct one on paper and stuff is usually the garbage one in reality.

[sleepytimegal]

But...I do know another one of those choices. I... It's nothing I can undo. You're right...I think. But I haven't lived it once. It- it's at least twice. ...It's way, way more than twice.

[zomgboom]

Like, what? You got stuck in Groundhog Day or something? [There's no recognition in her voice that she's said something most people might find impossible.] In that case, like . . . This chick I kinda know, right? She did something back home that was supposed to be the better choice - made the world a great place for mutants and stuff.

. . . But then she realized, like, all that happened was the mutants became the bullies and, like, the world wasn't better at all. If you've lived it a bunch of times, like, maybe there's a reason you did what you did.

[sleepytimegal]

It's not like I remember each time. In the dreams, it's just like I'm living it, and then living it and...just this deja vu, every now and then, but I never click into it.

[zomgboom]

There's a fancy theory about that - why you don't remember the other timelines or whatever clearly - but I'm too dumb to, like, explain it good. [The theory is actually "lol continuity," but.] Basically every time you do something, you remember subconsciously even if you don't remember, like, consciously? It's sort of like . . . time-travel amnesia or whatever, I guess.

[sleepytimegal]

Exactly! Exactly like that. I think? I don't know. Basically, I... I don't know. It just seems like I made the heartless choice. ...Probably a lot, if the secret's...true.

[zomgboom]

I think they're all true for, like, a certain type of true or whatever. I told Copman earlier that intent is what, like, separates a hero from a villain and, like. That's the thing about the statement "Tabitha Smith is a terrorist," you know?

If I'm doing illegal to fight the real bad guys, am I still the same as someone who's trying to destroy America? If you letting your friend live would doom her to a worse fate or kill all your other friends, like, should you still let her live? I dunno. That's, like, for you to decide.

[sleepytimegal]

[ Alex sits there quietly, just listening. She curls in her bottom lip and drops her head to her hands. Her eyes are closed. She opens her mouth and pulls in a breath. ]

I just...want to say sorry.

[zomgboom]

Hey. [Tabby gently touches Alex's shoulder.] You'll get a chance someday. I know it says, like, nonexistence or whatever up there? But all that means is she doesn't exist, like, in the here and now or whatever. There's millions of timelines and stuff, so I'm pretty sure you'll eventually find one where you can, like, have your cake and eat it too.

[sleepytimegal]

I remembered once, this last weekend and...no one even knew she'd been alive. Her...best friend didn't even know...

[ Her voice is thick, but she's not shrugging off Tabby's hand. ]

[zomgboom]

There's, like. A bazillion million timelines or whatever, and like. The only one that matters is the one you're in, which sounds harsh or whatever? But if you're crying for the whole multiverse, you'll miss what's happing right in front of you and stuff.

[Tabby gently boops Alex's nose, because she doesn't want to see Alex cry??? Please don't cry, man.]

[sleepytimegal]

[ O-oh. Oh, that gives her a little pause and she sniffs. ]

I... I don't know what one I'm in though. What if...at the end, I remember a-and...she's not there?

[zomgboom]

I don't think that'll happen. [Tabby sounds pretty confident about that.] We're still, like, getting memories back and stuff so, like, I think you repeated yourself until you could save everyone. And if you didn't then, like, when you go back? Remember how you feel right now and, like, try again until you do.

All those other bad choices you made still exist, sure, but it's not. There are other Alexes to feel that sadness. You don't have to, like, carry the sadness of every single Alex.

[sleepytimegal]

[ There's a whole lot Alex can say to that, but she cant get any of the words in the right order, or to even migrate from her brain to her tongue, so she ends up just sitting quietly for a few moments and conceding with: ]

Thanks, Tabby. I'll...try and remember that, as much as I can.

[zomgboom]

Good. You'll give yourself wrinkles if you're, like, any harder on yourself.

[sleepytimegal]

Gotta try and keep my snazzy feminine beauty, right?

[ Another little sniff, but she seems to be shaking it off...for now, at least. ]

[zomgboom]

Obviously. There's, like, no reason to waste a weapon like good looks.

[Tabby takes her hand off Alex's shoulder and ruffles her hair slightly. She??? Likes??? This blueberry???? What is this feeling. She hates it.]