Elda Marker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
matchbreaker) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trustfell2017-10-14 10:31 pm
matchbreaker) wrote in trustfell2017-10-14 10:31 pm
One day we'll reach to emotions: unexplored, unprecedented
[ Sometime shortly after the trial small notes will be folded underneath the doors of everyone still alive, and also posted to the staircase leading up to the upper floors. Not many of you have probably seen Elda's penmanship yet unless you checked that Penmanship check a while back, but it's impossibly impeccable fancy cursive script, to match with her old timey appearance. ... She also writes a lot more proper than she talks. ]
[ she's being somewhat facetious about half the group, but the fact does remain that she got more offers than she expected, when she set out to do this. She had expected that Sayaka would help, and indeed both her and Alex provide cookies and curry for the tables. Elda herself sets up the tables, dotting one longer central one made of smaller ones in the ballroom for things to sit on. The bulk of the food's provided by Tarrlok of all people, Chinese food by any other name. Susan, bless her, provides alcohol. Hibki, once she was clean, decided to run backup on preparing the food.
And then perhaps fittingly, Aligula provided the decorations. Steamers line the room, and little cut outs hang around. At Elda's instruction, it's a mix of cats, snakes, and bats. The majority of them have little faces on them. And finally, as and afterthought more than anything else, Elda makes some tea.
... Said tea is black tea and is impossibly dark and bitter because she can't taste it, but maybe that's what you want on a night like this. Who knows. ]
To My Fellows,
The half of you who didn't assist me in this are cordially invited to a celebration of our continued living, and to the memories of those who aren't. We are a mismatched group,
but it has become increasingly clear that we are together in this. Do not allow yourself to be alone.
We will be congregating in the ballroom for the rest of the night.
Better chefs than I will be providing food.
Sincerely,
Elda Marker
[ she's being somewhat facetious about half the group, but the fact does remain that she got more offers than she expected, when she set out to do this. She had expected that Sayaka would help, and indeed both her and Alex provide cookies and curry for the tables. Elda herself sets up the tables, dotting one longer central one made of smaller ones in the ballroom for things to sit on. The bulk of the food's provided by Tarrlok of all people, Chinese food by any other name. Susan, bless her, provides alcohol. Hibki, once she was clean, decided to run backup on preparing the food.
And then perhaps fittingly, Aligula provided the decorations. Steamers line the room, and little cut outs hang around. At Elda's instruction, it's a mix of cats, snakes, and bats. The majority of them have little faces on them. And finally, as and afterthought more than anything else, Elda makes some tea.
... Said tea is black tea and is impossibly dark and bitter because she can't taste it, but maybe that's what you want on a night like this. Who knows. ]
Kitchen
[ Asks the older woman, coming into the kitchen and the hiking herself up onto the counter. That appears to be her greeting, kicking her legs to watch the girl work on the dango.
... She thinks she recognizes that? ]
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Oh, no...to be honest, I'm just lost in thought. But my head is mine, for all the good it's currently doing.
[She'll roll around some more little dough balls, smiling at them. She's...gonna have a fuckton of these by the time she's done, but--]
...Have you ever felt like your own head is...delaying some kind of reaction?
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Maybe? Certainly, some things hit later than immediately.
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[Sayaka's face doesn't...really leave the weirdly sort of default smile that she's got on, but...her eyes seem to widen a bit.]
Makes me wonder if...I've finally gone numb to it all.
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[ She taps her nail on her lip, pondering it. ]
... You know, nevermind. I ought not lead this. Talk to me about it?
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[Mrrrrr, Sayaka just...kind of idly goes back to work with her hands, but she'll speak up.]
Every week, it just feels like it's been getting...I've been slower and slower to try and mourn everyone who's been lost? Kimblee-san notwithstanding, of course, but...I've been trying to keep reminding myself over and over, like I told you.
[She'll plop the dough balls in.]
...I just don't want to think that I'm losing my empathy, or...the ability to feel.
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[ She says that flatly before anything, continuing to kick her legs a little. ]
... Trauma compounds. That's my main experience with it, honestly.
[ She hums, not just a short note, but like as she sits here, she's trying to recall some sort of song. ]
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[Mrrrrrr.]
They died, rather...horribly, and I don't like that I'm actually seeing this as almost normal. I should be disgusted. Probably crying, or just...something, anything like a normal person would, but...
[She hates this?]
Maybe it's all compounding, but I'm...aware of it. I don't like it at all.
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Feelings are felt, not something mandated by expectations. Here, well... no, anywhere, we deal in realities more than we deal in what should be.
[ She kicks her legs some more. ]
If anything, I'm more frustrated by Terumi than anything, even now.
[ But she swings her legs once more to stand on the floor, touching down a bit. ]
You are not a doll, but you're hardly "normal" either - this circumstance we've been put in, this trauma we've endured, it's deeply abnormal. But if that delay, or that void is something you hate...? Then let's see if we can't draw it forth.
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I...don't blame you, really. Even if I'm not exactly surprised, but it's...
[She's not sure, really, how to finish it. That last bit gets Sayaka's attention, eyes widening and expression going to a bit of shock.]
...May I ask what you have in mind, then?
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[ And she- pulls the girl into an embrace. She's shorter, so it's a little forced, but she's making sure to get Sayaka's head into her, Elda's, shoulders. She then makes to gently rake her nails along the girl's back. And next...
She whispers. ]
It's alright, Sayaka.
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...It takes some time longer, certainly, but it seems like some kind of wall breaks down because she starts to shake, and it...seems to be working, that's for sure, as some frustrated tears come out.]
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[ she repeats, still whispering, ] I'm here beside you, girl. You won't be alone for as long as you live. No matter what you've experienced, what you become.
[ She has no idea what the heart of the problem is, and perhaps she's projecting a little. She's defined by her solitude, by the curse of that loneliness - the short precipice of that sunrise, like she had told her before.
But well... either way...
This is love, isn't it? She continues to stoke, her nails gentle on the girl. ]
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She'll...stay crying, for a little while, before she finally just...comes up for a bit, head tilting a bit to show her red, swollen face. ...Though an arm quickly extends to the stove to turn it off, she doesn't need that causing problems now. But...]
...Thank you. It just...felt like something needed to happen, but it wasn't going to without any sort of help. I...feel better.
[Knowing that she's grounded, really.]
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She's trapped, isn't she?
But she smiles, her warmest and most kind smile for the girl, still sort of loosely here if she wants to be held, but giving her some space if she wants that too. ]
It's overwhelming and underwhelming all at once, I know.
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[She'll...be fine, if Elda wants to part, at least.]
...It's just a mess, isn't it? All of it is, especially now...
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Yes, it is. If someone else dies next week, it'll be... well. I shutter to think.
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[Sayaka shudders a bit at the thought.]
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Honestly, I wonder if it's related to that incident with the Weiss girl. Did you wake up for that at all? I'm pretty sure I only saw mage-girl and your girl.
[ It was the middle of the night, after all. ]
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[...She really, really doesn't like the thought of that. And she's quick to correct herself in public, but...]
...She was...she was really, really out of it. She looked like...the person she becomes, when she's down in the pit. I don't know what was going on, but...even so, I hope nothing bad happens to her.
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Elda presses her lips together. More and more people have gotten fond of her, haven't they? It's just just some strange quirk of Sigrun's. How strange. ]
You'd suspect it would be bad for her?
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[...Maybe it is just because she's fond.]
...I guess I'm just worried.
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[ She thinks about one of their more recent encounters... huh. ]
Ultimately, better something against her than against us though, I suppose...
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[...there's a surprising amount of force in her words, but she...dampens it, once that's out there.]
But I...I get you. I just...yeah.
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Did you invite Alex yet?
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