trustfell | It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world

It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world

[ So, Yuri's going to be going around, putting up slips of paper for everyone to see, because even with everything that was that trial, he is sure it could help. He doesn't know--it's worked from time to time before anyway and someone should do it. ]

[ Yuri, for once, is going to be making some food for the afterparty that isn't desserts. On his side of things, his food is generally going to be geared towards something more western-style and hearty. In essence, there is some things of curry with beef, chicken, and vegetables in them, take your pick. Sayaka and Kyrie also will be assisting with food, providing stuff that is likely to be geared towards something asian.

This whole set up, of course, is going to be done in the dining hall, since that's where it usually is. ]

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No you aren't?! Who would be, under these circumstances! I'm asking you to accept being a normal girl, not to be some stockholme brat!

[ She stomps three steps closer to the girl, her eyes still wild, enraged, even. It's not at Sayaka... not, really. Yes, Sayaka needs to cut it out with all this garbage about how she's a terrible person or how she doesn't deserve things. That needs To end. But this fury she feels now, this impotent anger that's the only real outlet for her sorrow? It would never, ever be at Sayaka.

That might not be obvious. ]

Tell me what once we're in Shihaba, tell me whatever the hell you want now, but don't you try to tell me you're not sad or you're not angry or ... or any of this! I'm not a damn therapist?! And you know what, maybe I'll take you to one of those too?!

[ She turned manic by the end of that, her claws digging into her scalp and - as the biggest sign of simply how upset she is - messing up her own hair. ]

[Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god--]

I'm--I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm sorry about all of this! I'm sorry for being so selfish, I'm--I'm--

[Sayaka recedes in on herself, just looking like she's about to cry but trying really hard not to. When Elda takes those steps forward, Sayaka takes four steps back--like she's genuinely afraid that the woman is going to attack, like it'll be that night all over again, and--]

I'm sad that Milla-san and Ashworth-san are dead, and--and I'm mad at Aligula-san for what she did! I thought you wanted me to say that I was happy! I didn't think I had any right being angry because of what I considered! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm...I'm sorry...

[ Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking girl.

Elda slumps. Her anger doesn't deflate so much as turn inward. She sags her shoulders and then eventually, ripping some strands of hair out, she falls to her knees. Honestly, she barely even hears what Sayaka is saying. She ...

God dammit she's crying again. She chokes out, ]

What--- what do you need me to do, girl? How have I-- failed you?

Edited 2017-10-29 03:20 (UTC)

[...oh, that. That gets Sayaka to stop, because that? She can't accept that. She's never been able to, that's--]

You haven't failed me. You--don't ever say that!

[Elda, she's...walking toward her, again, just trying to get her to look up.]

Look at me. Please, look at me. I don't want you to think that this is your fault, when it's just...it's just me. Okay? You haven't done anything to fail me. You've never done that. I...

[...]

...Maybe I do need help, once we get home. ["We." "Home." She doesn't know what else to say, and...honestly, she doesn't know what else she wants to say, at this point.]

[ She loves Sayaka. She'd waited for weeks, hoping that the girl would understand the nature of it - what love is, how empowering it is, how ... how it's unconditional, this love she had decided to adopt. Maybe she was projecting. It's too fast to have come up this way. But at every turn, she ultimately couldn't do anything for the girl. Every propping up saw the girl ripping herself back down. Every smile saw some new conflict. Every time she...

She couldn't help the girl, any more than she can truly save Karin.

Is that the heart of it? No? She couldn't help her brother either, her mother, her father- love was really?

(Love was Aligula's thing.)

And this girl is still scared of her.

Elda only barely hears her, or maybe... no, that's not accurate. She hears her, but doesn't process it immediately. She's small now, curled up on herself and sobbing nakedly into that ball. This - she's not done a thing other than just be awful and jealous and spiteful. Not anything of great substance.

... She'll feel better in the morning, of course she will. But right now, it hurts. ]

[...Maybe it really isn't something she understands. She's...still kind of coming to terms with the fact that the other shoe isn't about to fall on any of this. Or, well, most of this if Aligula is any indication? But...

Sayaka eases, slowly. She breathes a bit. She knows she can't do much, but...she trusts Elda enough. She's trusted her with so much, and...

She reaches out to run a hand through her hair, the same way Elda would do for her. She doesn't know if it'll help, or if it'll get the woman to even look at her, but she feels like there's something she's missing here, and...she hates it, honestly.]

[ elda... curls into the touch. She's still nakedly sobbing, but rather than be a ball, she gently makes to take her arms and envelop the girl, crying into her chest. It's too much. All of this - every last part of this is simply too much.

She'll rally. Of course she'll rally. She should have just brushed her hair -

Ah, she did, didn't she? Either way, she's content to cry for a long while, but... ]

That- [ She starts, and stops. ] you-- she---

[ Inhale, sob. No, she needs to force some words out. And she just- ] That bitch.

[ That works, for now.

[...Sayaka breathes a bit. She's not shaking, or if she's tempted, she's willing it down, and keep the motion going. She still doesn't...quite understand, the pieces don't line up in her head, but...]

...Aligula is utterly wretched for what she did. They should all still be here with us...Ashworth-san, with her wit and caring...Milla-san, with her kindness and warmth...Angel-san too, with that sort of curious nature she had.

[She keeps stroking Elda's hair, and her free hand kind of just...grips a bit tighter.]

No she's not. ... She's not. Wretched.

[ She chokes that out, but it... it doesn't sound right as she says it. She grits her teeth, and she collapses, feeling defeated into Sayaka's chest. ]

... Maybe she is.

[...If that's the case, then Sayaka holds her there. Sighing a bit, just...kind of wanting to process this.]

...Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. I hate what she's done.

Me too.

[ She... she chokes a sob. She... ]

Me too. I -- I hate this.

I hate it too. I hate everything she's done, and just...just...

[Sayaka shakes a bit, but...the sound of her voice, it seems a lot more somber and...actually apologetic.]

...I'm sorry, as well. I didn't...I didn't know that saying something like that, it'd make you think that...that you failed. You didn't fail me at all. I...

[...]

...I won't ask this of you now. For now, just...cry as much as you need to but...I want to understand this better. I want to understand, and...I don't ever want to make you feel like you've failed me.

[ Then cry she will. She can't even bare to answer Sayaka now. This is the second time...? No, it's been more, right? She's gotten so fragile.

... But then ...

What else could she be? J-- she won't hold it in. She shouts this, small muffled shouts into Sayaka's chest between sobs, ]

That woman failed me! She -- died! After all that!

That bitch killed her, for what?!

My granddaughter is going to die for some stupid quirk of genetics! James is probably already dead - again - at the first damn trial!

[ And her - And Sayaka-- Smile?! THATBITCH TOLD HER TO SMILE?! And she did - she-- ]

I loved them!

[...She doesn't know what to say to all of this. She can't say it'll be alright, because...some part of her knows it won't be. She knows it won't, because there's no real going back to that.

But she keeps running her hand through Elda's hair. She keeps hugging the woman in front of her, because that much? That much she can do, with certainty.

Scream away, Elda.]

And I-- I love you. And that damned mage-girl.

[ SHE SNARLS UNEXPECTEDLY? her mood shifts a bit as she hisses out ]

And both of you are from other death games?! Are you kidding me?!

[...She wants to say she loves Elda too, but...god. She didn't know that about Rin at all, and she figures that's not a good idea? Not for now.]

...It's horrible. They're all horrible. All of these games...

That-- broad. Susan. Told me to look after Alex. As if I'm that girl's keeper too.

[ She knows she's just being erratic now. Saying facts Sayaka doesn't need to hear. Hell, she doesn't include the detail that Rin chose to enter her game or that the rules are entirely different. No, what she says instead. ]

...I can take care of that. I'm--I'm more than capable. You don't have to worry.

[She doesn't know what to say to that, really, but that's the first thing that comes to mind.]

You can take care of her, when you never take care of yourself? Don't- make me laugh.

[ She's not in the laughing mood. ] It is easier with her, I wonder? Than me, I mean.

[ Shut up, Elda Marker. She ... she needs to shut up. ]

What folly. What absolute folly.

[ She hugs Sayaka tighter. She's just being spiteful now, she knows it. She knows it, and she can't completely stop. ]

... I know you can. But I have my responsibilities too.

[...Sayaka doesn't really say anything to that, just...kind of averting her gaze. She has a point, even if it stings like hell. She's...not really sure if she should say anything.

So she'll nod her head.]

...Then do so. I apologize for trying to take them from you.

It's understandable.

[ elda's voice is drifting off, she's clearly getting more tired. ... Which uh, is bad, given she'll die if she goes to sleep here in Sayaka's arms ]

That's your girl. No matter if I thought she wasn't good enough for you, if I thought her ignorance dangerous, or my own petty feelings, it's natural for you to leap. Love is like that.

[...Yeaaah, she sees where this is going.]

...I don't know if I know of it entirely, at this point, but...

[...]

...Can I take you back to your room, at least? You sound like you need some sleep, and...I would like to talk to you more, when you're up for it.

Yes. Yes, please do. Better for me not to die now.

[ She'll stand, but she's still going to be leaning a little on Sayaka. She feels so incredibly drained now. ]

Anything for you, my dear. Anything.

[ She'll talk to her later, in other words. ]

I don't want that happening.

[If Sayaka were not made of somehow sturdy enough to be a human body twigs, she'd carry Elda, believe her. Still, she'll help Elda get to her room and get to sleep.

She trusts Elda for that much, but...she does wind up going into her room with her and helping her, if needed.]

...Good night, Mom.

[ The room is ... mostly as it was last night. The only big difference is some of the sketches have been taken from the walls and those paintings in the corner? there's only three. The fourth (Susan's) has been ripped to shreds on the floor there. Also the headboard is slightly cracked.

... Elda nods though, and she will be lead into the room and will be tossing a shit load of blankets over her head. ]

Try to sleep well, Sayaka.

[ And ... Oh, wait. She slips out to yank the girl back to - kiss her on the cheek. ]

I love you.

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destage - 2017-10-29 07:00 (UTC) - Expand

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