It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world

[hesperos]

[ So, Yuri's going to be going around, putting up slips of paper for everyone to see, because even with everything that was that trial, he is sure it could help. He doesn't know--it's worked from time to time before anyway and someone should do it. ]



[ Yuri, for once, is going to be making some food for the afterparty that isn't desserts. On his side of things, his food is generally going to be geared towards something more western-style and hearty. In essence, there is some things of curry with beef, chicken, and vegetables in them, take your pick. Sayaka and Kyrie also will be assisting with food, providing stuff that is likely to be geared towards something asian.

This whole set up, of course, is going to be done in the dining hall, since that's where it usually is. ]

Comments

[bloodbiter]

Ah, not precisely, no...

[A tilt of her head.]

I simply wanted to see how you were.

[destage]

[...]

I'll be honest, I don't really know. It's...kind of still taking a while to process, I guess?

[bloodbiter]

[After a pause, gently:]

Then... You don't have to smile.

[destage]

[... ... ...

Her face falls, then.]

...I don't understand at all. Why?

[bloodbiter]

Because this entire situation is unbearably cruel, and they... were in the wrong place at the wrong time, it seems.

[She wishes there was a better explanation. She wishes... everything were much different.]

[destage]

[...God, what does she even say to that. She...averts her gaze a bit.]

...I hate what she did. She was...my friend, though. I considered her that much. Maybe that just makes it worse...?

[bloodbiter]

I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been. Knowing one of your friends would do such a thing, and that they hurt other people you cared for...

[She breathes in.]

[destage]

...It doesn't get easier, you know.

[Caren, what was left of Fern, Kimblee, and now Aligula...]

It never does. Losing anyone here, it's...like a nightmare.

[bloodbiter]

...I know.

[She does, truly.]

But the fact that you have lost them and continued forward... That is what makes you strong.

[destage]

...Adelina-san, I...don't feel very strong, right about now.

[She's not strong. She's not good.]

I'm just...so tired of losing people I care about in this place.

[bloodbiter]

I think... Even when you don’t feel strong, you truly are. Despite all the pain you’ve gone through and how much you’ve lost, you continue to reach out to people and offer them your kindness. If that isn’t strength, what is?

[She reaches out to place a hand on Sayaka’s arm, comforting and gentle.]

And when you need to be reminded of that, we are all here to support you.

[destage]

[...You know, for once? Sayaka doesn't really flinch back from the touch, or anything like that. She...bites her lip.]

...I've been needing that reminder a lot. A...lot more than necessary.

[bloodbiter]

However much you need it... That's however much is necessary. You don't need to feel guilty about needing support from other people, Sayaka. You've given so much of it yourself.

[To her, and to other people, she's sure.]

[destage]

...Mmm.

[She sure as hell doesn't feel like it, but...ugh. This whole night makes her wish she still had her hair long.]

I...suppose you do have a point, but...where do I even begin?

[bloodbiter]

Where do you start to stop feeling guilty for it, or...?

[She just wants to make sure before continuing.]

[destage]

[...]

I meant for...talking, if you wanted to. That's...not necessarily a lie either, though...?

[That sounds really, really confused.]

[bloodbiter]

I suppose... If you wanted, you could start with what is bothering you the most. I would be glad to listen.

[destage]

...I didn't express it well at the trial, but...I'm furious with Aligula.

[Okay. She can identify that much, that's...good?]

The way she went about it, the fact she did it in the first place...it's... [Mrrrr, it actually looking a little difficult to identify.] ...I think I'm upset by how I handled it, too.

[bloodbiter]

You have every right to be furious. What she did was despicable, and for such a reason...

[She gives a pause, then.]

How you handled it? In what way?

[destage]

I...don't think I got out even close to the amount of anger I wanted to. To be honest, I...think I wanted to push her into the pit, when she got up on the podiums. Or do...something, that wasn't just...that.

[Jesus christ, Sayaka. And...she figures Adelina saw her and how she reacted so flippantly, at least, so maybe that makes sense. It might not, though, because Sayaka is stupid.]

[bloodbiter]

Would you really have felt better if you did such a thing?

[There's no judgment in her tone; it's a simple question.]

[destage]

...I don't honestly know.

[A look of frustration settles on her face.]

But I don't know what would make me feel better, either.

[bloodbiter]

...Perhaps you don't need to.

[She pauses, then amends her statement quickly.]

Ah, that is, it isn't that I don't want you to. But in a situation like this, where hardship doesn't seem to end... You don't have to feel as though you need to be alright. In fact, it's natural to struggle with everything that you've lost. It simply serves as a reminder of how much you cared for them.