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It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world
[ So, Yuri's going to be going around, putting up slips of paper for everyone to see, because even with everything that was that trial, he is sure it could help. He doesn't know--it's worked from time to time before anyway and someone should do it. ]
[ Yuri, for once, is going to be making some food for the afterparty that isn't desserts. On his side of things, his food is generally going to be geared towards something more western-style and hearty. In essence, there is some things of curry with beef, chicken, and vegetables in them, take your pick. Sayaka and Kyrie also will be assisting with food, providing stuff that is likely to be geared towards something asian.
This whole set up, of course, is going to be done in the dining hall, since that's where it usually is. ]
[ Yuri, for once, is going to be making some food for the afterparty that isn't desserts. On his side of things, his food is generally going to be geared towards something more western-style and hearty. In essence, there is some things of curry with beef, chicken, and vegetables in them, take your pick. Sayaka and Kyrie also will be assisting with food, providing stuff that is likely to be geared towards something asian.
This whole set up, of course, is going to be done in the dining hall, since that's where it usually is. ]
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I know! That's the problem! [That exclamation is hissed and not shouted, thankfully, as Rin pulls back.] Do you listen to the words that come out of your mouth sometimes? I don't deserve this, I don't deserve that. You didn't have to. It's tiring!
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...Click. Oh, that...]
...No, I...don't, honestly.
[It's a very guarded start.]
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[Still heated, but... Something deflated there.]
I know you're still finding your place in the universe; it's going to take more than a few weeks to undo years of stifling yourself. If you don't know how to feel, that's fine. But stop acting like you're a condemnation to humanity!
[She waves her arm.] You talk about how no one should like you or how you don't deserve to have even an opinion so much, you'd think you're more odious than Aligula, Kirei, Terumi, Mikoto, and Kimblee combined.
[Which is crazy? Rin says their names like she wants Sayaka to really think about it, and what a tall order that is.]
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What the hell does she even say to something like that? She'd hardly call that stifling, for one, it...no, don't think about that. But...was it really that bad? Is that what the rest of them hear?
Oh gosh, no, don't tear up-- Sayaka rubs at her eyes, quickly, for a little bit after letting Rin's words set. She's...not honestly sure how to respond to that, and it's probably clear by the bewildered look on her face that she's. Just. Kind of both lost and trying to think, but...]
...I apologize for that, Tohsaka-san.
[Another start, with no real words beyond that--like it's just...said to break the silence, even if it is genuine.]
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She sighs, and rubs at her own face too, eyes shiny with moisture.]
It's not me you need to apologize to...
[Her voice is far less harsh here, but fragile. Like someone kicked her in the ribs.]
Doesn't it hurt you to think of yourself like that?
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...A little. It...hurts a little. [And that much is...actually pretty goddamn honest.] ...I'm so used to being told how to feel. If you want me to be honest, I'm...not all that certain.
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['He'? Rin shakes her head, and continues right on, voice stronger.]
No one's telling you how to feel right now. I can't be the first person to tell you not to be so hard on yourself; if it were that easy, you'd have been happier weeks ago.
Whatever's coming out of your mouth, then, is closer to the real deal. If you're uncertain about how much you're hurting, it just means your wires are crossed and you're not sure where that hurt is coming from.
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The next bit, though, that...that actually gets a bit of a pause, and some blank staring. She doesn't appear to be sure--or at the very least, she doesn't seem to know the source entirely.]
...I think you're right, there. Even if I'm...not really sure of what wires are crossed? It's...
[She tries to think, but she winds up looking at Rin's eyes again, just...confused, mostly.]
I wish I knew. But...why are your eyes...?
[She doesn't finish, but Sayaka figures Rin will know what she means.]
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People can't be happy, looking down on themselves and living solely for others. [Her hand drops to the space over her heart.] I can't think of anything more tragic in the world.
[She's not mocking her. Even on a day like this, where so many people they cared about died, that has a special hurt for her.]
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...It's truly that tragic?
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It's like watching someone drown in a shallow puddle. [Her hand drops to her side, brushing against something in her skirt pocket.] If I have to see it again, I might scream.
At it's furthest extreme, it won't end as badly for you as it would for him. That's the only comfort I can take from this.
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Sayaka's hand reaches out, idly...going to touch Rin's shoulder to comfort her.]
...I'm sorry, Tohsaka-san.
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Why are you comforting me? Didn't you hear a single thing I said?
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[...Goddammit, she sighs a bit.]
It's clearly a lot for you, isn't it? I know you're comparing me to this person, and I don't know who he is, but... [...] It just...seems like the sensible thing to do.
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They're not the same. They're so different, you'd be hard pressed to find any other points of common ground, but on that one singular thing... Why does she keep meeting people like this?]
The sensible thing...? Maybe. [Unexpectedly, she smiles, watery but full of warmth. She raises her chin, and wipes her cheeks.] But maybe we need to be insensible right now. For tonight.
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...I...suppose that's true, yes. Maybe that would be for the best.
[There is so much restrained confusion at the events that lead to this, except for upsetting Rin, but she seems? Better??? This obviously has to be a step in the right direction.]
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Elda will take care of her. Alex will take care of her. They'll help in the ways that Rin can't... So all that's left for her is to be as supportive a friend as she can in the end. Rin still feels like she wants to cry, but when she gives Sayaka her best smile, it doesn't feel forced.]
In that case, there remains only one very important question to ask.
[Swaying to one side, she laces her fingers behind her back.]
German chocolate, or angel food?
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German chocolate.
[Her weakness...!]
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[She did rudely interrupt Sayaka there. She should let her properly grieve and recover, and then they can move onto their fun.]
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[She smiles a bit, warmer, before going back in--she'll probably have gotten a few more emotions out by the time Rin returns, but once she does, Sayaka will be sitting on her bed with her stuffed animals, smiling brightly and looking a little more put together.
...Also with that teal ribbon in her hair, because she never exactly got rid of it. Whoops.]
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[She's off then to make the cake! It probably takes a while, it's a cake after all, but when she brings it to Sayaka's room she'll knock as promised before entering.
And oh no, that's so cute. Rin's so happy she kept the ribbon, tbh.]
You look better.