trustfell | It keeps happening

[After that horror show of an execution, Mordecai is still restless from the investigation and trial. He has too much pent-up energy, and plenty of others are sure to be upset, too. Ashley was loved by nearly all of them, the trial was mentally draining, and that execution was crueler than it should have been.

Two hours after everyone has returned to their rooms, they'll find a note slipped under their doors.]

We can't go on with empty stomachs. There's food in the kitchen, and the dining room is always open if you need someone to talk to.

Please keep anything outside of eating and civilized conversation away from the dining hall. That room is meant to be a peaceful place for those of us that need it.

-Mordecai Benmont Jiminy

[Today, there's cream of tomato soup warming up on the stove with a set of bowls besides it. It's a more mindless dish to prepare than mashed potatoes, as much as Mordecai wants to vent his frustrations on the potatoes.

He decides to follow Cabanela's tradition and lights one more candle, and after some consideration, lights a sixth. Let those who cared about either girl pay their respects.]

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He's quiet, huh? Hehe, he sounds like the exact opposite of me. [Though, after the trial...Hibiki's expression changes.] But I should probably talk a lot less sometimes, huh. At least I've got Dorika.

[And there's a soft cluck from a preening hen on the bed. That's how it always is for her. She hates being alone, so she talks to animals instead.]

[ It was kinda hard to miss that Hibiki was getting a whole lot of flak from various people at the end of the trial there, so Bakugou thinks he knows where that comment is coming from. ]

... You know, I haven't agreed with you on stuff since basically we first got here. You said you wanted to trust in people, I said that I think trust needs to be earned. And I don't see a problem with that, so... even if we disagree on stuff, it's not like I'm gonna think any less of you.

[ People should be judged on their capabilities above all else, he thinks. except that midoriya because he'll probably be buttmad over midoriya existing for his entire life but hey ]

I mean, I would be pissed the fuck off if you said you thought less of me for disagreeing with you, but I wouldn't care about the fact that we disagree in the first place.

[ ... ]

Anyway, that was a load of bullshit you may or may not have actually wanted to hear, so feel free to ignore it at will.

[ We don't have to talk about emotions!! REALLY WE DON'T!!! ]

That was before everyone started murderin' each other and the Conductor made everythin' worse. I'm definitely, definitely thinkin' more along your lines now.

[When you put everyone together and death starts to happen, it's hard not to become wary. Like she told Giovanni. She's not going to let anyone else get the best of her, not here, not like what happened to Ken, to Byakuren(?), to Ashley.]

But I'm not upset that people disagree with me! I'm not a kid.

[And she takes a seat on the bed and pulls Dorika onto her lap. Dorika is happy to oblige. It's less distressing when she's running a hand over some feathers.]

Geez! I don't dislike you or anythin'. None of these things are what I'm upset about at all. Everyone is different, everyone fights...I already know that.

Oh. Okay, then. [ ... ] Honestly speaking, if that's not why you're upset, I've got no idea why you might be.

[

]

Or why a bunch of other people here seem to be upset, for that matter.

[ He's too inherently self-centered to care too much about people trying to take moral high grounds against each other... ]

It's alright. It's nothin' I'd expect you to understand! I mean...not everythin' has one answer, so no one can know everything.

[To Bakugou's luck, Hibiki completely misses that he's an idiot because she's relieved she doesn't have to talk about it and can talk about other things.

Unfortunately for Hibiki, she can really only think about Ashley right now.]

Hey, Bakugou...do you think everyone here could be a murderer?

I have a really hard time thinking that some of the people here could become a murderer, but... for most of us, I'm beginning to feel like it's pretty situational.

[ He feels like this next part might be a bit much to admit, but he's just going to yolo it. ]

... I don't even know how to answer that question for myself, at this point.

Right? At the trial, people were sayin' that anyone could kill here...but I've seen it, murder isn't solvin' anything! But it felt like everyone was sayin' it couldn't have prevented.

[And that doesn't make sense to her. At all. Asuka could have held back. Even if another murder did happen, it could have happened later. They are not powerless here.

But her hand stops on Dorika and they both look up at him.]

...What's that supposed to mean?

... I'm saying that I can think of circumstances where I can't say for certain that I wouldn't kill. Like if I got attacked, and I seriously thought it was a do or die situation, I don't know how I'd react. And that makes me feel fairly shitty, but —

[ He's supposed to be a hero in training, isn't he? The best course is obvious: make sure everybody makes it out alive. But he's only ever thought about defeating enemies before, not how to protect others, and he's realized after that trial that maybe he needs to start thinking about both of those things. And he sure as hell has never thought about the reasons why somebody might be driven to murder, about why somebody might weigh twenty-odd lives against thousands or millions and decide they can live with that burden.

It's not a good feeling. The expression on his face screams he does not find this a good feeling. ]

But that's the truth. I don't know, and I hope I never have to find out. Because I sure as hell don't want to ever find out.

[How could he?

After what happened to Ashley, being murdered by someone she trusted regardless of motive, he comes in here and says that he thinks he could kill if the reasoning is right?

Hibiki's mouth hangs open in surprise, and Dorika stands up on her lap like an animal trying to protect its owner.]

What are you sayin'? Are you telling me that you can't be trusted?

... I'm saying I don't know. I'm not going to pretend like that's alright, though. It's... that's fucked up! I know it's fucked up!

[ He has never particularly thought of himself as a good person, so the idea that this might make him a bad person doesn't bother him much. The fact that he isn't sure of what he would do, how far he would go to survive... that does bother him a lot.

"The strongest hero is the one who wins in the end."

The words feel different to him now, somehow, in a way he can't quite pinpoint. ]

But I don't want anybody else to die, that's the truth. I — I mean, what the hell kind of hero would want that?

[It shouldn't be "I don't know," right? How could anyone think otherwise? Either they can kill or they can't. And to talk like this, almost like he could be the next Asuka...it makes Hibiki angry, her face hardening as she stands up.]

I don't know anything about heroes! I don't even know why you're tellin' me this!

[But "I don't know" is not how you answer a question about trust. She's not the strongest person in the building. She knows that. She loves people, just like Ashley did, and...]

Get out! If you don't think you can be trusted, then I can't trust you, either! I'm not gonna be the next... ...I'm not gonna be next!

[ For a moment, he looks almost hurt — injured might be the better word to use. He just admitted that he doesn't know if he could be manipulated into killing or not, but the implication there that he could possibly kill Hibiki personally does not sit right with him at all. ]

[ He gets up and shoves his hands into his pockets. (The unfinished glove is still in his right pocket, serving as a little reminder: no matter how upset he is, if he reacts, if he smashes a fist against the wall to lash out like he kind of wants to do right now, he's just proving he can't be trusted all the more. Better to just dig his nails into his palms.) ]

Fine. I'll leave you alone, then.

[ And so he will, he'll probably even go out of his way to give her space for a few days at the very least, deliberately not going into rooms that she's already in if he can help it.

He is not above a parting shot as he passes through her bedroom door on his way out, though. ]

... But just so you know, I think that your way of thinking is pretty fucked up too.

[ And then he'll close the door behind him. Going out the mature way, nice one. ]

It keeps happening

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