trustfell | It keeps happening

It keeps happening

[After that horror show of an execution, Mordecai is still restless from the investigation and trial. He has too much pent-up energy, and plenty of others are sure to be upset, too. Ashley was loved by nearly all of them, the trial was mentally draining, and that execution was crueler than it should have been.

Two hours after everyone has returned to their rooms, they'll find a note slipped under their doors.]

We can't go on with empty stomachs. There's food in the kitchen, and the dining room is always open if you need someone to talk to.

Please keep anything outside of eating and civilized conversation away from the dining hall. That room is meant to be a peaceful place for those of us that need it.

-Mordecai Benmont Jiminy

[Today, there's cream of tomato soup warming up on the stove with a set of bowls besides it. It's a more mindless dish to prepare than mashed potatoes, as much as Mordecai wants to vent his frustrations on the potatoes.

He decides to follow Cabanela's tradition and lights one more candle, and after some consideration, lights a sixth. Let those who cared about either girl pay their respects.]

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[After talking with Cabanela, Logan makes his way to Youko's room. He's feeling calmer now and he does have something he really should discuss with Youko. It might not help at all, but he's already had plenty of breakdowns today, why not have another one while he's feeling fucked up.

He knocks on the door and takes a step back, hands folded behind him as he waits.]

[ She'd said what she wanted to say to Katsuki and Hibiki. That's all Youko had hoped for out of the rest of today. Logan... She didn't understand what had happened, only that it most certainly had, but she thought she could count on Logan explaining it to her later, when he felt he could.

...

'thought she could count on'

Was it wrong to be that way only hours after she'd told him she would rather doubt him than be betrayed?

It had never bothered her before, and really, it was too early to say that it did, but... she really was fickle, wasn't she?

She's resting on her bed when the knock comes, hoping that if she just lies quietly and still for long enough, she won't need as much proper sleep tonight. Youko rises to unlock and open the door, not bothering to call out. It'll be disappointing if it isn't Logan, but- well, it seems she won't have that problem.

Even after everything that's happened today, Youko still feels herself smiling softly in response to Logan's presence. ]

Hi. You'll come in, won't you?

Yes, of course.

[It's not any more awkward than inviting her into Reaver's room, after all. They have plenty they need to discuss. He's not angry anymore, just tired and that's... probably the best thing he can be in order to discuss this.]

Just checking.

[ It's not awkward at all, after all. Youko's going to go sit on her bed, and for once she'll understand if Logan doesn't join her - it's not as neat as it should be! ]

[He'll take the chair then, yes. Once he's sitting (elbows on his knees, leaning forward with his hands folded in front of him as usual) Logan stares down at the floor in silence for a moment.]

...I apologize for worrying you during the trial. I never would have killed Ashley... but you were distraught given what you found.

[He isn't bothered by that at all, honestly. He's been messed up to a point that rational thought had no place in his head.]

[ Well if you're going to remind her, then she's going to be a little embarrassed. ]

...Thank you for not holding it against me. I want... I want to be able to expect anything in this place. Anything at all. Even...

[ Total betrayal. ]

I saw the bullet h... h... [ ...no, nope, she can't say that, ] I saw Ashley, and then the gun, and all I could think about was Reaver's room-- [ Youko's voice cracks. It's surprising to her that it would do that, even though things... ]

...And Ashley. Everyone liked her, as much as they could for them. And... and yet...

[ She died. ]

...And to think it was the girl she tried to reach out to. Did... did Asuka even have any other friends? Really?!

[ oh god she did not think she was this fucked still she is exactly this fucked up still ]

[Logan is shaking as she speaks about Ashley, but he's trying very hard to keep it out of his expression. He has all the time in the world to be hurt by this in private, but now isn't the time. He still has plenty to discuss with Youko--

...Like that.]

What she did was horrible. I'm furious that she chose Ashley and that she betrayed her trust like that. But... That was no reason for anyone to treat her as though she was a monster; as though she was no longer a person.

[Well, so much for the shaking. He's doing a lot of that again and glaring pointedly at the floor.]

But she's so... [ Youko shakes her head violently. Asuka really upsets her. ] There really are people like that out there. People who don't care. And she reminded us all in the worst way. [ Reminded her how vulnerable she's made herself. ]

...I think the others were scared and didn't know how to deal with any of that.

Even if she truly didn't care and... and chose Ashley because she thought it would be easiest... Asuka was still a person. If she had killed Rick, would anyone be this angry?

[Logan sighs and runs a hand back through his hair.]

No matter how terrified we are, no matter how hurt we are, we need to remember that everyone here is a person, and that should never be something we try to take away.

Of course not. Rick wasn't her friend. Or "friend", I guess...

I didn't say the things I said to her because she took Ashley. I said those things because she went after someone who'd done nothing but be nice to her. What she did wasn't like the other two.

...Maybe there's something I'm missing, but plenty of people think of me as a monster. I might not like that, but... it's not a problem for me if they don't act on it. [ Or she assumes, because they always act on it, whether it be through word or deed. ] Can you please explain your feelings to me? I do want to understand where you're coming from.

We don't know what was going through Asuka's head that night. Perhaps the incentive was too strong to resist. Something obviously happened that caused her to miss - Asuka was an excellent shot. I believe there was more to it than what she admitted to.

[And now they'll never know. Just like with Reaver.]

I will admit that a good part of my irritation with what was said is on a personal level. In Albion, I am the person called a monster; someone who isn't treated as a person. It is through fear so I rarely see or hear anything aimed directly at me, but the signs are everywhere.

While I have not done anything like what Asuka did, I have hurt the majority of Albion in an attempt to save it.

[He's quiet for a moment before pressing on.]

Have you heard the others discuss Reaver? They didn't know him, but they act as though they knew he was a terrible person who would do something like this. That's the point of all of this - we're supposed to turn on each other.

Even I do not know why Reaver moved that night. I will never know. But hearing them speak about Reaver as though it was only a matter of time before he snapped and how horrible he was for it when any one of us could be tempted by the Conductor's incentives or even just this situation itself... It's disgusting.

[...so in summation, Logan has a lot of issues.]

[ ...Ah. ]

Asuka doesn't scare me because she's "monster-like". She scares me because she is a person.

I don't know if we all could have been pushed into killing the person we held dearest here, but- I don't have any way of knowing for certain, do I?

[ Tense shoulders slump, but... it looks more like someone giving up than relaxing. ]

Everyone here... I think they all know it, really. Deep inside... and almost all of them are trying to prevent that from coming to the surface. So they make a big mess of things, because no matter what they come up with, it's still not as scary as the truth.

...Are you sure you can't live with them trying to protect themselves like that? I know it hurts, but...

[ look at how she's become

that is what the truth does to people ]

Even if... they are saying some exceptionally stupid things.

[ And as awful as she feels, she can still laugh at that... It's just not a particularly nice sound.

We can't have everything. ]

...I believe it would be better if everyone accepted the reality of our situation here. Anyone could be pushed to kill. With the weapons that have fallen from the machine, anyone can kill.

[There's poison in there too, for the smaller ones. The Conductor apparently wanted to give everyone a fair chance to murder someone.]

I will not say anything to them, but I do hope they are willing to see our situation as it is, instead of painting the world black and white.

...Realizing it for themselves might be the only way they'd accept it, if that helps. You... could guide them to that conclusion, but just telling them might not work.

I know. It may take awhile or it may never happen. But I sincerely hope it will.

[He's not sure how patient he can be if this happens again.]

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It keeps happening

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