trustfell | Looks like this will be a weekly thing

Looks like this will be a weekly thing

[This whole week has been awful. This whole experience has been awful. Mordecai wants to go straight to his room and deal with his frustrations, but that's not what a mayor does. A mayor takes charge, a mayor fixes what's wrong, a mayor makes things better. Even if he can't do everything on his own, he's has to do something.

Two hours after the end of the trial, the living will find another note slipped underneath their doors.]

There's cookies in the kitchen. The dining room is ready for anyone who needs a quiet place to talk it out. I'll be in the bar if you need a drink, alcoholic or something more appropriate for the underage crowd.

-Mordecai Benmont Jiminy

[There's a pile of warm chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen. Two more candles are lit at the memorial - one for the victim, one for the culprit - and Mordecai has left a pile of blankets from the storage room on one of the dining room tables.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You are a hero, and most of all to me.

I...

[ ...You know, this. Seemed like a much better idea in the heat of the moment.

A much better idea.

But ohhhhh goodness she can't turn back now?? Can she?? ]

I was wondering if maybe... you'd... like... to rest your head on my lap while you're telling me...

[ WHAT IS SHE DOING ]

It's just, I do that with Kan-chan sometimes?? When he's upset? Like this?? A-and I stroke his hair and...? It helps us both...?

[It's obvious Logan doesn't know what to do with that first part. He nods a bit, though his expression makes it plain that he isn't sure that's the right response.

Then Youko continues and Logan has to look away. He's definitely not turning pink, shut up.]

Is that... something you would like...?

[IT SEEMS REALLY AWKWARD but if Youko wants that then...?? Maybe??? He normally wouldn't even hesitate and would shut that down immediately, but her final words there "It helps us both"... well. He's always been bad at saying no to cute girls.]

[ Forget pink - Youko's turning bright red. Mistakes have been made, mostly by her.

But if she freezes and runs away, won't she regret it later? ]

Mm.

[ It's little more than a squeak, accompanied by a swift nod. So, still unmistakably a "yes", then. ]

It's soothing...

V-Very well then.

[Ah, normally he doesn't stutter. Logan shakes his head and before he can decide that this is a terrible idea, he moves so Youko can find a comfortable position for... this. This thing that they've apparently decided to do.]

[ She might not want run away but SHE CAN'T DO THIS EITHER, SHE CANNOT, NO--

...But why was that? This never presented this kind of problem on this kind of scale with Kan-chan, so why...? And she loved Kan-chan, so this... Logan's nerves and maidenly ways were obviously affecting her! And Youko would not stand for that. She was going to see this through, and she was going to see it through cold as ice 🔥🔥🔥

Logan really was so cute though... but when had he ever stuttered...? ]

Mm! Yes, so-! [ She shuffles a little way up the bed in case he wants to put his feet up...? Crap, how does this work on a bed, they don't have beds back home they have the floor. ] We'll both feel better afterwards! I promise! I know all about these kinds of things!

[ Her words are filled with all the confidence she doesn't actually possess. ]

[This was such a stupid idea, why did he agree to this--

Once Youko's positioned herself Logan takes a long moment to seriously regret his life and his choices before finally closing his eyes, steeling himself, and moving to rest his head on her lap like he's apparently supposed to.

This is undignified. This is completely undignified, how did he let himself get talked into this--

He keeps his eyes closed once he's there, because at least like this he can pretend this isn't happening and that he's not embarrassed as hell. It's obvious he is and it's obvious that he's still tense.

...Of course, now that he's here he's not sure he even wants to talk about any of that, so... Awkward silence it is.]

[ Even if she's busy trying to convince herself she's Not! Actually!! Embarrassed!!! Youko totally gets it, so she is just going to focus on stroking his hair the way she said she would. That is why she asked for this, given the otherwise troublesome height difference.

And for her, at least, it is soothing. It's not too hard to relax.

Silence doesn't matter when they're like this. ]

[He's never done this before, obviously, and he can't even remember the last time anyone played with his hair like this. It's not a bad feeling at all and after a moment Logan actually manages to relax a little. He doesn't open his eyes, but he moves to fold his hands over his stomach.

There will probably be words in a moment, but for now he's content to stay like this. Logan's hair is always slicked back, but there are two persistent strands on either side that might have been the world's worst ahoges at some point if he hadn't grown them out. Either way, messing with his hair will get those to stick out more, so have fun with that.]

[ He's relaxing... Logan no, why did you just get cuter. Of course she's going to pay those ahoges some extra attention, you'd have to be some kind of philistine not to. ]

[BUT THEY'RE SO DUMB...]

...Shadelight was like something out of a nightmare.

[Well, apparently we're doing this now. Logan keeps his eyes closed as he speaks and while his expression isn't doing much, this isn't easy for him to talk about.]

It was dark; there was barely enough light to see even with torches. What we could see was... I'm not sure how to describe it. It was dark and dripping and it was everywhere. Tangible darkness, perhaps. Whatever it was terrified many of my men so badly they wanted to turn back.

I brought over a hundred men with me on that trip and I was the only one who made it out. They warned me several times that we shouldn't be in there, but I didn't listen. All that mattered to me was finding out what this temple held. Surely such a place would have some grand treasure waiting within.

...I was wrong. The only thing within that temple was... "Darkness Incarnate."

[ Youko listens, keeping her strokes gentle and even. It's good to have something to do because oh Logan. He was so very foolish.

You hecked it up, Logan. You hecked it up so bad. ]

And now it's in your nightmares...

[ How disgustingly poetic. ]

Tell me more.

[ If the answer isn't burying or running, maybe it's sucking the poison out. ]

That thing... The Aurorans called it "the Crawler". I can't describe what it looks like - I can see it clearly, but it... isn't easy to describe.

The shadows we fought were easy to fend off. They could take control of the statues in the sanctuary, but even those could be defeated.

The Crawler was different.

[Logan takes a moment to steel himself before he continues. His hands are shaking, but otherwise he seems composed.]

It has the ability to see into your mind. It can alter what you see, what you hear, and how you act. It finds your biggest insecurities and picks at them until you can focus on nothing else.

[...]

...It is also capable of taking over a person, forever tainting them. It preys on weakness and fear. It chose me as its target, and it turned me against my men.

Most of them didn't die because of the shadows. Most of them died by my hand.

I nearly died as well. They did what they could to defend themselves and eventually I thought I would be overtaken by shadows.

I woke up in the city of Aurora. I don't know how I escaped. I was told they found me in the desert, but I don't remember leaving Shadelight.

[Logan's voice doesn't shake through that, but his expression is pained and were he not wearing his gloves, his nails would be digging into the backs of his hands where they're folded.]

[ ...

Let her just glide that hand down so she can stroke Logan's cheek instead. The motion is very careful and when he falls silent, she brushes her thumb across the scar over his lip. ]

I'm luckier than I thought to have met you.

[ There's a hollowness to Youko's voice, even though she means every word. That's the problem.

What does she say now, though? ]

...Maybe it went after the one it thought was the strongest. [ ... ] That would make sense, actually. The stronger the person, the longer they were likely to last while they used them.

[ She slides her thumb from the scar to the center of his lips - the universal signal for 'don't interrupt'. Youko doesn't seem to think Logan's going to like whatever she has to say next, apparently. ]

So I'm glad you were the strongest. I'm glad you were the killer, not the killed. I'm not as good, or as kind as you, Logan. The extent to which I care about those men is limited to the effect they had on you.

[ Another pause, and she switches back to playing with his hair. There's no taking back what she's said, but despite it being the truth - what was she even trying to achieve there, revealing it? Stupid. ]

[He doesn't interrupt Youko, but he doesn't look at her either. Logan keeps his eyes closed as she speaks, though he's shaking slightly by the time she's done.]

...My memories of what happened after the Crawler took control of me are hazy at best. I do not remember most of their deaths. Some of my nightmares are about that, but I have no way of knowing if my dreams are memories or something my mind made up.

I cannot forget them nor can I blame them for what they did.

[He absently moves a hand up to trace something just below his neck and down his chest - a scar, probably.]

There have been times when I wished I had died instead. But had any of them survived Albion would be in no position to face the Crawler. I will not be able to stop it and I may not be able to save anyone at this point... but I will do everything I can.

[No matter what it takes.]

[ ... ]

And you're still the strongest, I see.

[ What an impossible burden.

In the face of it all, it's very hard not to feel useless. Like there's nothing she can say or do, even if she were normal and had a proper clue. She's not enough. She'll never be enough.

She still needs to try. ]

If I asked you to show me - would you?

[ Her words are accompanied by Youko placing her free hand over Logan's wandering one so that it's hard to miss what she's talking about.

Maybe sucking the poison out is the best thing she can do. ]

[Logan hesitates for a long time. He's finally got his eyes open, but he's glancing away, though his hand has stilled against his chest.

He hasn't shown anyone these scars. The people in Aurora know, but otherwise... Reaver didn't need to see, he knew what those things were capable of. The scar on Logan's lip was enough to tell Reaver all he needed to know about the encounter anyway.

He's tense for quite some time before suddenly all of that leaves him and he nods. It's not accompanied by any words, but he moves to get up, if Youko will allow it.]

[ She will most definitely allow it. Before he'd moved, Youko had worried she'd pushed too hard, taken the wrong path - while she's still anxious, this is much better than having made a complete mess of things. ]

[Once Logan's up he starts seriously questioning his life choices. This was a stupid idea. Why did he agree to this.

It takes him awhile to steel himself enough to remove his shirt. It's immediately obvious that the scar on his lip is the tiniest and faintest of the ones he's sporting - his entire chest and both of his arms are covered in scars in varying lengths. They're all severe though, even if they are faded.

The one Logan was tracing earlier - starting just below his neck and ending down near his ribs - is the thickest and worst-looking one of them all. In fact, it looks like it should have been fatal. Really fatal. How the hell did he survive that.

Logan can't look at Youko, instead he's staring at some point on the floor. His hands are clenched at his sides and he's trembling, but it's obvious that he's trying very hard not to let it show.]

[ Logan why

No, seriously - Logan, why. There are tears rolling down Youko's face before it's even registered for her that she wants to cry. ]

Logan... look at me.

[ All the same - she thinks she understands, finally, where the way forward lies. And it's at least partially with her standing up to meet him. ]

It's okay, I promise. [ She can't keep the emotion out of her voice, but... maybe it's for the best. Maybe it's better he hears it. ] Look at me.

[One of the first lessons Logan was taught after he took the throne was that showing weakness will get others to walk all over you. People will take advantage of a weak leader. He was corrected numerous times on looking down or away, and each time he was reminded that he had to be in control all the time.

Ironically, these lessons didn't come from his mother or Sir Walter. They came from Reaver.

It takes him a moment to look at Youko. He's still trying to keep himself in check, but the shaking hasn't stopped and he still looks kind of mad. Each one of these scars is a reminder of the men he killed. It isn't even a matter of how badly his appearance has been marred, it's the constant reminder that he deserved every blow he took, and yet didn't die for it.]

[ She's afraid he's angry at her for asking this, at himself for doing this. She might be. But even if he's mad, she can't stop now, or he'll stay mad, and things will never be the same between them again.

Honestly expecting to be pushed away, Youko steps forward to wrap Logan in a hug. ]

[That... Well, that's unexpected. Logan freezes for a moment, just letting Youko embrace him. He's not really sure what to do with it, so it takes him a moment to sort of... hover his hands over her back without properly touching her. He's not sure he really wants this, but he's not about to push her away. She needs this, he thinks. Maybe he does too.]

[ ohhhh boy, what does she do, does she stay there, does she back off, what does she do ]

I meant what I said. It's okay.

[ pretend she's totally cool, of course. ]

You're not made of glass. What happened in Aurora... you're stronger for it, not weaker. Any "taint" is negligible.

[ This Logan is her Logan. ]

[Logan shakes his head and it takes him a moment to find the words he's looking for.]

...I don't know if I can believe that. I'm doing everything I can to save as many people as possible but... I do not know what I would do without that.

[What if he'd come back from Aurora and didn't have to worry about the Crawler? He's not sure what he would have done or how he would have handled things. He's fairly sure he simply wouldn't have handed anything. He would have broken four years ago.]

I appreciate your words, Youko. They mean so much to me... but I cannot agree with them.

...I'm youkai, Logan.

[ It's time for her to draw back, if only so she can reach up and hold his face between her hands instead. ]

I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but if there's one thing I know - it's taint. It's dirt. It's the ruined and unclean.

You're not it. You're not any of it.

[ And she'll keep reminding him of that until he doesn't need her to anymore. ]

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