don't wait for a knight in shinin' armor, your savior's reflected in the mirror

[perpend]

[That sure was a fucking thing. That execution was a fucking thing. Those secrets are a fucking thing.

Cabanela retreats to his room, but not for all that long. Everyone will get a note eventually, written in very neat handwriting

I do not plan on bowing down to threats and intimidation. If you did not act, it means you were, like me, aware of the risk, but decided against it. Your reasons are entirely your own.

Join me in the dining room if you agree enough is enough, and that you won't acquiesce to threats. I don't plan to let this stop me, and neither should you.

-C

In the dining room itself, Cabanela has set up coffee and tea for those who want it-- there's no food, because to be honest, he doesn't know how to cook. Two more candles have been lit-- he wasn't really sure what to do about the whole... parasite thing... so Fern's candle will have to make due.]

Comments

[sleepytimegal]

Is he a...mage too?

[ It's a topic to walk with a tightrope, since that was mentioned in her secret. It is her secret, so it must have a deep significance to her. ]

[heritrix]

[It has absolutely significance to her. At the same time, many people figured out what she was from the very beginning. And that would be one reason why things went differently in R6 over what happened with the same motive in R5, because oh boy.

Still, she tried to keep it a secret with a few. She probably took more risks than she should have, but around anyone who seemed to have normal lives, she tried not to say anything outright.

It doesn't matter anymore.]

He is, yes, albeit an unorthodox one.

[Rin speaks easily, but mechanically. Like she's suppressing all emotion.]

If I asked him to see you, it wouldn't be as a mage, but for what insights he could provide as a member of the Holy Church.

[sleepytimegal]

...You think he could exorcise 'em?

[ That's...huh, Alex isn't going to press on the Kirei subject because what a hot button topic, but this. ]

[heritrix]

It's literally in his job description.

[She sounds a little wry. Because of course they could use his help, hours after learning something so twisted and suspicious about him.]

Even among the church, there are few who handle spirits as well as he does.

[As bothered as she seemed moments ago, there's no hesitation as Rin openly praises Kirei's skill. Yeah, it's a hot button topic. It's also complicated.]

[sleepytimegal]

[ There's a pause, where she reaches up to her forehead and rubs at it, gently. Her lips thin. ]

I'll...keep it in mind. At least I can ask him about it. I just wouldn't want them to be floating all around here to get at anyone else.

[ And a few other things, but- she's still sorting that stuff out. ]

[heritrix]

[...]

You should let me come with you, if you decide that's what you want. Barring that, I'd like to hear how it goes, at a minimum.

[Keeping her posture straight, Rin folds her arms in her lap and watches Alex. Are these Sunken giving her trouble right now?]

You should decide sooner rather than later, as well. [Her voice is gentle.] That's why you came to me, isn't it? And why you said I'm wrapped up in it too. They're weak for now, but you're worried something like today will happen again.

[sleepytimegal]

...Kind of. [ She taps on her arm. ] They... They were louder today than they've ever been. Throughout the whole trial, they kept... It's like they were whispering, all at once, and I couldn't make out any of the words. But I knew it was urgent, and it was almost...

[ "We're truly sorry, we are, but-"

Her face is creased in concentration. In worry. ]

...I don't know. I guess... Yeah. I wanted someone to know about it. In case.

[heritrix]

[Ah.]

So that's why you wanted the painkillers. [Rin switches the cold compress from one hand to the other. Lightly, she taps her newly freed finger to the side of Alex's temple.] Too much interference up here.

[Poor Alex, honestly. Rin drops her finger away, frustrated there's not more she can do. Really, she's surprised Alex is still sane.]

[sleepytimegal]

[ Oh! An almost-smile. ]

Yeah. You...could say that. ...Who knows, maybe they just...don't want to die either.

[ She shrugs and breathes out. ]

Thanks for...listening, Rin. Even with...all this going on.

[heritrix]

[...]

It's fine.

[Short as she is, sitting on the bed like this her feet don't quite touch the ground, so she's able to swing them a little.]

I should have pressed you more about it on Wednesday, but I didn't think it would still be an issue come today.

[sleepytimegal]

Honestly? I don't know if I would've been accepting of any of it- today's events kind of made it all click together, that all the headaches, the...waking up in the night, the radio is...them.

[heritrix]

[Actually, that's a good point, isn't it?]

If they're not in it, why did the radio effect you so badly?

[sleepytimegal]

It was 'cause it was effecting them. Back home, that was...you know, how I got them to leave us alone for a little. Tune into the right frequency, keep tuning until they get out of my friends. But I don't know if that's how it'll work here. Especially since it- it felt more like it was pulling at me. I was conscious, and...that is really not how it worked back there.

[heritrix]

[She frowns.]

How much time did you spend on that island?

[sleepytimegal]

When the rift was open? [ Alex glances away again. ] It was supposed to be just one night, but...I keep remembering different versions of it, so... I have no idea.

[heritrix]

[She sighs.] That's disappointing, but not surprising either. Seeing the nature of your secret, I wondered if it might be something like that.

[Drawing back her shoulders, Rin's expression is momentarily pained as the motion pulls at certain muscles, but it smooths out a moment later as she makes herself comfortable again.]

The girl it mentions there... She's the one that was missing from those photos, isn't she?

[sleepytimegal]

[ Oh, okay, we're talking about this now. Alex tenses a little but then she nods. God, this should be easy, after everything else, but... ]

Clarissa. She... The Sunken liked her. She was...easy to possess. I remembered, Sunday, that they... One time- or apparently more than one time- they offered me a choice. Let us keep the girl, and you and your friends go free. Or, I could get them out of her and...trap myself in there with them.

[ ... ]

Guess I made the wrong one more than I'd've liked.

[heritrix]

They sound like a pleasant bunch, for a carton of milk that doesn't know it's expired.

[There's something about what Alex describes that tugs uncomfortably at Rin; that brings to mind memories that aren't her own.

If they were having this conversation two days later she'd be able to pinpoint what it is, but tonight it only gnaws at her. Aggravating her.]

Ignoring there's too many strange things at work here, you shouldn't beat yourself up about that. If that's exactly how they worded the choice, you couldn't expect those consequences, and it's natural to want to save yourself.

[sleepytimegal]

It's easy to say that, but... I can't stop thinking about it. The worst part is, in the dream... I didn't even seem to care that no one could remember her.

[ Heartless, dismissive... ]

That's not just...a dream. That's part of me.

[heritrix]

And here you are lamenting it; grieving for a person it sounds like you don't even like.

That's a part of you, too. In the end, I bet you made the opposite choice and saved her more times than you doomed her.

[...she's sure of it, actually, and that's part of what bothers her.]

[sleepytimegal]

I- It's not that I didn't like her!

[ Ah. She swallows that down. It's an outburst, a bit of an emotional one, which...might be a surprise? ]

She...we just didn't get along. [ "Have you ever stared into nothing and moved with it and felt apart in it?!" ] She had her reasons. We were both... We were more alike than I realized.

[heritrix]

[It does surprise her. Rin's shoulders shift, eyes widening slightly at the sudden display of emotion. They soften just as quickly.

That feels like too tender a wound to pry into.

It speaks of a connection made after the fact, or maybe one so deeply buried it was only remembered after the fact. Despite that if this Clarissa was erased from existence, even from photographs, Alex shouldn't remember her in the first place.

None of that, none of the thoughts running through Rin's mind need to be said right now.

There are a few other things she could say instead, but for now Rin's going to reach out and just brace a hand on Alex's shoulder. It's a gesture that's meant to be supportive.]

cw suicidal imagery

[sleepytimegal]

[ The moment contact is made, she flinches.

Clarissa. Clarissa, reaching out to her. Clarissa, trying to get to know her. Clarissa, wracked with grief. Clarissa, bitterly seething. Clarissa, hanging from the ceiling. Falling from that window. Twisted and floating, eyes red.

"So, I think it'd be cool if we could, like, continue to do things together."
*
"She'll be happier with us."
*
"Nobody named Clarissa came with us, this is the group. This has been it all night."

It's all a rush, and it's...

Flinches, but then...relaxes. No, sinks and droops, head falling forward.

She wants to cry. It's been built up in here all week, what she's been running from. That she couldn't possibly do that. That she did that. That she kept doing that, that, this girl whose only crime was being too fucking depressed-

Her breath catches in her throat and her eyes are hot. She hasn't...cried yet. Since waking up that morning, she's kept herself from it. Now... ]

S-sorry. Sorry, I--! [ It could have been so different. ]

[heritrix]

[...Geez.]

Do you even know what you're sorry for? [A reprimand, soft as it is.] I'm telling you you don't have to be sorry, so you can't be saying that to me.

[Alex is probably just saying it because it's the only thing that exists in her heart right now, emotions running too high and condensed down to one thing. Rin sometimes has difficulty relating to others. She shouldn't be able to understand in the first place because of this, but she recognizes it: an overwhelming wave of anguish and regret. It's probably too hard to feel anything else in the face of it.

Rin keeps her hand in the same spot.]

[sleepytimegal]

[ She opens her mouth to try and say something else, anything else, she's not even sure what it'd be, but only a gasp slips out, something garbled and nonsensical. Just a sob, that's all it is.

But she shakes her head gently and remains there. She's sorry. She's sorry, she really is. ...Even if it's not to Rin. She's sorry, to the person who deserves those words. ]