![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
It's time for an after party!
[About an hour after the trial and subsequent execution, Cabanela makes a decision.
They need to do something, keep the morale up, however little it may be.
Under each occupied room door people will find the following note written:
In difficult times such as this, it is important to carry on.
Don't give into despair; we must preservere.
If you don't want to be alone this evening, meet me in the dining hall.
-Cabanela
[Upon entering the dinning hall, you will find Cabanela sitting at one of the tables; he has lit two candles that are placed at the center of the table, but there's nothing else to note.
You'll have to supply your own food, since he doesn't have much of an appetite.]
They need to do something, keep the morale up, however little it may be.
Under each occupied room door people will find the following note written:
Don't give into despair; we must preservere.
If you don't want to be alone this evening, meet me in the dining hall.
-Cabanela
[Upon entering the dinning hall, you will find Cabanela sitting at one of the tables; he has lit two candles that are placed at the center of the table, but there's nothing else to note.
You'll have to supply your own food, since he doesn't have much of an appetite.]
no subject
Panicking? [ Hmm. Might she actually be able to find answers after all? ] ...Would you mind telling me more? I don't know him the way you did.
And, well. [ And she has to smile grimly at that. ] I really don't think he's the only one here capable of that kind of cruelty. At least, I'd find that tremendously hard to believe.
...You're right. You know by now we talked... and a lot of what we talked about. [ -Youko sort of grumbles under her breath because thanks for that, trial; thanks for that, bakugou ] One of the things that came up was that he'd spent a century as something like a sailor. [ ...
...Caring about strangers isn't really her thing and this is so stupid, but like fucking hell she'll give him the chance to feel guilty about that. Forcefully: ]
It was in the context of him having experience being cooped up with people in a small space for long periods of time.
[ IF SHE SOUNDS ANGRY, THAT'S BECAUSE SHE IS. reaver you fucking idiot she's going to be so bored here ]
no subject
Youko's words might have gotten a smirk out of him at any other point in time since that is pretty hilarious, but given what just happened... Well. He's having a hard time dealing with this.]
...I don't know much about Reaver's life before he met my mother, but I was aware of the fact that he was a pirate. I am a bit surprised that he chose to talk to you about that; it was never something he would talk to me about.
[Granted, he used to ask when he was a teenager and he was pretty high-strung and obnoxious, so it's no wonder Reaver didn't want to talk about his hot mess period...]
Reaver... received something from that machine. It's a Guild Seal, an item that all Heroes have. I asked him about it and he said it wasn't his, though he didn't tell me much more than that. Seeing it made him freeze up; I've never seen him react like that to anything. Reaver's always been able to handle difficult situations.
[He handled dealing with... well. Something horrible that's been fucking Logan up for the past four years.]
...During that he... he wasn't enjoying himself like he normally would. He would have found it amusing if someone had accused him of this and he hadn't done it, and perhaps he would have played along until he got bored and decided to dismiss it entirely. He didn't do any of that and it... is the most terrified I've ever seen him.
[And then there was the execution and god he didn't even try to resist or escape...
Logan runs his hands back through his hair, tugging on the ends of it before repeating the motion. It's agitated and despite his expression still being kind of blank, it's obvious this has fucked him up thoroughly.]
How could I possibly choose myself over him? I don't know what I'm doing; I have no way to save the country without him, there's no way Albion is going to be alright with just me. I can barely take care of myself much less six million people. How am I supposed to handle this?
[That's quiet and none of the usual confidence is there at all. There's a big difference between Logan, the King of Albion and Logan, the person who was groomed to be king from an early age. He's been a mess before, but it's been four years and last time he had Reaver there to be aggressively Reaver at him until he calmed down enough to listen to Reaver's advice.
Sorry, Youko. You don't deserve to deal with this and he really doesn't want to unload like this. But unfortunately there isn't anything else he can do right now.]
no subject
...I was upset, and told him something about me that explained my age. Between that and my age, maybe... [ Unnatural age was like a membership to an exclusive society that came with a certain minimum level of acknowledgement, no matter what else.
...THAT OTHER STUFF, THOUGH. Where... where does she even begin.
Well, maybe by getting up and sitting down next to him on the bed. ]
Logan. [ She's never used his name before, and the way she says it - with all the seriousness she has - Youko hopes it's enough to command his attention. Because hand-gripping doesn't seem like a good idea here. ] ...You make it sound like the decision was in your hands.
[ He's not going to like her saying it and that's... unfortunate, because he needs to hear it. ]
It was always going to be out of them the moment anyone dropped "sailor". Maybe not even that; Bakugou-kun was so determined, I don't doubt he would have just kept going until everything broke. [ And she's still grateful for that.
But back to her role: ]
The point is that I would never have chosen death back in there. Speaking honestly, someone would have had to physically kill me first.
Do you get it? I wanted him to live, even if for just a little longer - that's why I stalled so much. But I wouldn't have put him- I wouldn't have put Albion over myself.
...I'm telling you this because I think it's better for Albion's future if they have a king who hates me - not himself.
[
She's expecting to be kicked out tbh. ]
no subject
...I understand. I doubt there are many people who would have been willing to sacrifice themselves for a country they know nothing or very little about. Six million people is an impressive number, but there is no way to know if Reaver and I are lying, and throwing down your life for that reason... I sincerely doubt that the majority would have gone for it.
[The words come easily, surprisingly. It wasn't something he was thinking about during the trial, but he must have realized this at some point.]
I still chose myself over him, like my life has more meaning than his. That isn't a decision anyone should ever have to make. Yes, he killed Kaneki and yes, he deserved some sort of punishment. It never should have been like this.
[...Granted, Logan's let Reaver run (mostly) unchecked for the past four years, so it's really no surprise Reaver acted right away. The only thing Logan ever really refused to let Reaver do was build a whorehouse in Bowerstone Industrial, so uh.]
I... Youko, even if this had never happened, I... I have many reasons to hate what I've done and what I've become.
[Maybe "I hate myself" is a little strong, but he's done a lot of things that he can never forgive himself for. This is yet another one and somehow this is much, much worse than everything else. Why does he have the biggest soft spot for Reaver. That's so dumb.]
I believe I understand what you're attempting to do and that... It would be nice if I could focus on blaming someone else. I've been fueled by anger for years; it's familiar and easy to return to that. But right now I cannot be mad at anyone but myself.
[...And he's not about to kick her out, because this is the most he's told anyone. Everyone else seems under the impression that he's actually a decent king. Somehow. Have you guys just not realized he looks totally evil. This is what happens when you make all of the evil decisions.]
no subject
Oh wow he hasn't told her to push off.
He just couldn't make this easy, could he?
...Well to be fair he was at least spilling all this to her instead of making her fish, and prod, and needle, and dig, which is normally how this tended to go.
Still. She falls silent for bit, making sure of how to say what she wants to say. ]
...I understand. [ There's a little unspoken "I believe you" tacked onto that, because haha a leader with untarnished hands ahahahahahahahahhahaHA.
Which isn't to say that whatever he's done is okay, but she'll get to that. ]
I understand, but out of every wrong decision you've ever made, this is not the one to beat yourself up over. That wasn't a choice! The only one saying that is the Conductor, don't listen to that slimeball's sick logic! He gave us one way to walk out of that room alive, and that- [ Oh lord she's so mad. She's so mad, she's so mad she has to just. Sit for a couple of seconds and try and get her body's shaking under control.
In and out. In and out. ]
...If you turn it in on yourself, you'll just burn up. You can see why that's no good, right?! [ Oh that... came out a little more emotional than she'd meant for it to, LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT THAT. ] It sounds like you have a lot to try and change. But if you're not at your best, how can you even begin? How can you last? Humans have short enough lives as it is!
[ Don't forget, he sounds evil too! Seriously, people. Logan, you gotta tell Youko your secret because she wants in. ]
no subject
...I do not solely blame myself for what happened. Reaver killed Kaneki and the Conductor is the one who brought us all here to begin with. I'm aware of that.
[It's just kind of hard for him to stop blaming himself when that's always the easiest thing to do.]
The people of Albion will die. Perhaps that was inevitable and all I was doing was hurting them in an attempt to save their lives. I cannot say for certain. Without Reaver, there's simply no way to raise the funds for the army I need. Even if Reaver had survived and I had died in his place, he would not be able to prepare the army for what we will face.
[He absently reaches up to trail his fingers along the sash across his chest while he thinks.]
...Should I get out of here before the destruction of Albion, I will do all I can to save my country. I doubt I'll be able to save more than a handful of people, but... I must move forward. It would be an insult to Reaver's memory if I did not at least attempt to save Albion.
[...]
I will do everything I can to ensure that as many people as possible make it out of this situation. If I cannot save Albion, perhaps I can at least save a few of us here.
no subject
[ But seriously, why does your future suck so damn hard. For heck's sake... don't mind her, but she'll be attempting to inconspicuously unfold her hands and rest them closer to Logan. Just in case he wouldn't... mind......
...
This is so dumb but she's already made too much movement as it is, she's trapped. She just wanted to show him some support, she didn't ask for any of this! ]
I'm sorry. I really do hope something miraculous happens for you.
...But given all this, maybe a miracle isn't so out of the question anymore, is it? At the very least, you'd be a fool to discount the brand new set of possibilities.
no subject
...
what are you doing with your hands, youko
??????
logan continues to be bad at this]
You're right. If there was a way for us all to be brought here from different lands, then perhaps... Perhaps there may be a way to save Albion.
[A miracle. That's what it would be. At the same time, it's not like that would be the first time Albion's been saved by something completely unbelievable. Heroes may not be as common as they once were, but the people are surprisingly good at handling weird shit.]
...I'll do everything in my power to keep going.
[If the incident four years ago couldn't break him, then this won't either. It can't.]
no subject
...
...crap. But even that realization isn't enough to hurt Youko's relief when she hears that steadfastness in his voice. She relaxes, nodding - smiling. ]
Yes. You can. [ And, well... ] ...Even though it's a dangerous thing here, I'd like to let myself believe in that.
[ Trust... it's okay if she's just talking about it, isn't it? All she's doing is telling the truth about how she feels, so what? That doesn't mean she's going to act on it. This is all totally hypothetical. ]
no subject
[Allowing Reaver opportunities to prove himself, refusing to tell Bakugou what the two of you talked about. Staying behind to ensure Logan wouldn't leave that room alone. Talking to him now. Having some sort of faith that maybe this won't be a complete mess.]
I will do my best to pull myself together.
[Showing weakness in front of his subjects has always been out of the question and even though no one here is a citizen of Albion... he needs to ensure he won't die. He can't let himself be an easy target.]
no subject
It's nice to be appreciated. ]
You're welcome.
[ Verbally accepting gratitude is a slightly embarrassing thing, but... she means it. Logan is welcome.
Maybe she should even try saying it! ]
I mean that. If you ever think you would benefit from talking to someone, then I invite you.
[ Her hands fold back onto themselves in a display of contentedness. She wouldn't mind talking some more, but what's happened so far is good. ]
Do you mind if I ask you something? It's nothing awkward, I believe.
no subject
He nods at Youko's words and while his expression is still entirely too stiff, he does appreciate it.]
Thank you. I will try not to burden you too often.
[...]
What is it you wish to ask? I cannot guarantee that I can answer it.
[There are still some things he can't talk about. It's nothing personal, it's just that he's a hot mess.]
no subject
You don't burden me. I am 600, even if I... may have implied otherwise to most of the others...
It's not one of those questions you don't like, I don't think I've heard anybody ask you this. I guess they wouldn't, though...
Why do you want to save us? You've been talking about that, not just saving yourself.
no subject
Ah, that's...
[Logan tips his head a bit as he thinks. While it would be easy to dismiss that as "it was all of us or Reaver", that's not what it was at all.]
...I thought I had stopped being an idealist years ago. Saving everyone has always been impossible, but I suppose I want to believe I can help everyone. While that may be impossible in Albion, I will do the best I can to save as many people as possible.
[...He's not a Hero but dear god is he trying to be a hero.]
no subject
...I never would have expected that from you. [ yeah let's. digest this? ] You're Reaver's ally, and that's how I know you best. I never would have... [ YEAH, SHE'S REPEATING HERSELF because
seriously: ]
You're actually a good person?
[ BUT YOU LOOK AND SOUND EVIL... ]
no subject
[FABLE III GAME MECHANICS we end up looking evil if we're evil, because of course we do]
...Reaver became my ally because he would be the best suited to handle Industry, but he was not my first choice. I had hoped to make use of Faraday's inventions, but unfortunately he refused and I could not explain the severity of the situation to him.
[So poor Faraday got shoved in Ravenscar Keep and then we sort of forgot about him. Whoops.]
The decisions I have made in an effort to save Albion have almost all been awful. I have hurt the people greatly in an attempt to save them.
...I suppose "a good person" is an overstatement.
[HE'S SCREWED SO MANY PEOPLE OVER]
no subject
WELL ANYWAY- all these revelations, good grief ]
I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
[ She did catch some things, however... ]
So you'd like to be a good person but you don't- didn't have time for it, and you're kind of bad at it anyway?
[ ... ]
Maybe you should talk to me, and often. I probably won't intuitively understand why you want a certain outcome, but I can probably figure out how to get it without hurting people for you...? That's sort of what my life already is, after all?
no subject
[Which is probably why it's taken so long for everyone to get sick of him...
That offer is an interesting one, but it also brings up another point.]
I don't know much about you, Youko. I would like to talk to you more often, both because of what you've suggested and so I can learn more about you.
no subject
... ]
I'd like that.
I'd like that a lot... Logan. [ teehee, alliteration ] Please tell me what you want to about yourself in return, okay?
no subject
[And that... gets a smile in response though the expression is awkward as hell, like Logan has no goddamn idea what to do with his face. He's really bad at smiling, okay.]
no subject
[ ...two people are dead, is this... really the time for light joking...
...logan's doing something cute and she likes it so yeah pretty much! ]
no subject
But it does get him to shake his head and the smile isn't fading.]
You'd think they'd know better, given my appearance.
[Make awful decisions → look evil. It's pretty simple.]