Hibiki Ganaha (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brandnewday) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trustfell2017-10-07 09:54 pm
brandnewday) wrote in trustfell2017-10-07 09:54 pm
The world is all one! Unity mind!
[Another week, another set of disasters. Hibiki’s head is still reeling from the lengthy ordeal that was Solf J. Kimblee. But it’s because of that exasperation that she’s able to turn her restlessness into something useful. It’s too late to set about making curry for everyone, so it’s time to make some easier dishes. A replication of Fern’s mac-and-cheese, somehow she’s whipped up some kind of donut to go with her animal-shaped rice balls. There’s coffee, tea...hopefully it’s enough? And if it’s not, Rin has provided some delicious Chinese food. And that always tastes better late at night, doesn’t it?
And for the adults (or the exasperated teenagers), Susan is carting down booze from the bar. Joy. Hibiki’s never written to the group en masse before, but she delivers a piece of paper to everyone while Rin and Susan finish up the preparations. Each paper has a drawing of an animal on it, too.]
Too much has happened today. Whether you want to get angry, cry, smile, laugh, or just be out of your room, you don’t have to do it alone. Rin and I have prepared food for everyone, and Susan’s brought the drinks downstairs so none of us have to go into the bar tonight.
Even if it’s just for a little while, won’t you think about joining us in the dining room tonight? Being together is just as important as working hard. And remember, nankurunaisa!
-Hibiki Ganaha
[Three more candles are lit today. Tabitha Smith. Sigrun Eide. Solf Kimblee. They’re all Cabanela’s doing. There aren't any decorations, but the food is spaced out so everyone should be able to grab something and munch if they need it. It’s not clear how many people will come, but a serious attempt was made this time.]
And for the adults (or the exasperated teenagers), Susan is carting down booze from the bar. Joy. Hibiki’s never written to the group en masse before, but she delivers a piece of paper to everyone while Rin and Susan finish up the preparations. Each paper has a drawing of an animal on it, too.]
Too much has happened today. Whether you want to get angry, cry, smile, laugh, or just be out of your room, you don’t have to do it alone. Rin and I have prepared food for everyone, and Susan’s brought the drinks downstairs so none of us have to go into the bar tonight.
Even if it’s just for a little while, won’t you think about joining us in the dining room tonight? Being together is just as important as working hard. And remember, nankurunaisa!
-Hibiki Ganaha
[Three more candles are lit today. Tabitha Smith. Sigrun Eide. Solf Kimblee. They’re all Cabanela’s doing. There aren't any decorations, but the food is spaced out so everyone should be able to grab something and munch if they need it. It’s not clear how many people will come, but a serious attempt was made this time.]
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[hibiki three people died today? please stop concerning yourself with how underrated frogs are]
Do you wanna sit and talk for a bit, Sayaka-chan?
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[...That last question's something she's surprised about, but she'll give Hibiki a smile.]
Certainly, Hibiki-chan. I've got a spot at the table already with my stuff there, so let's go, shall we?
[...It's admittedly got all of her alchemy work here because this is clearly the best way to honor Kimblee's memory, but she'll smile once they're there again.]
How are you feeling, though? Are you going to be okay?
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[After that last anecdote about frogs, Hibiki picks up her own food and drink and heads over to where she'd been working. Hibiki? She still has no idea what alchemy is. She's doing her best in her own way, probably?]
Mm! So much has happened today, that I sorta feel like...I can process it bit by bit, at my own pace.
[It helps that she's an idol. She can sort of 'slip into' being Hibiki if she can't find it on her own.]
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[Sayaka is kind of thankful that the group can...sometimes afford to be selective with that kind of stuff, and more importantly? That she didn't get ordered into that.
...Either way, yeah, Hibiki's words...get a very, very tentative nod.]
...That's probably the best way to go about all of this. To not...really let it hit you, all at once. It's...
[...she kind of envies Hibiki right now, gosh.]
It's the best way to stay safe.
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[The story just sort of spills out of her, like she's knocked over a bottle of her favorite sanpin tea from the convenience store. It's all happy memories. Struggling to be an idol, having success...it's a great feeling of working hard and being validated for it. And sharing it with someone seems fine? Especially since Sayaka probably can't destroy her idol career in here.
She nods as she listens to Sayaka's response, always the active listener.]
It's gonna hit me all at once later, but for now...I think I'll be okay. A-and I'd like to think you'll be okay, too. I really admired Tabby, and you really liked Kimblee, right?
[She can't understand that. Older men kind of really make her anxious. But she's trying to be open-minded.]
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She can...try to respond to that later--it's kind of clear when Hibiki talks about that, that it just...seems so happy. It's competitive, but it sounds so nice. And she said 'now that they're famous'...
She can focus on that later.]
...Tabby-san seemed like a really good person. I'm sad I didn't talk to her more. And...Kimblee-san was a really good friend of mine. He did a lot for me to help me adjust to this place, and it's...
[...she shakes her head a bit. Just try to force on a smile.]
...Was it very suffocating, Hibiki-chan? With your fellow idols, back there.
[It's a bit of an odd question, but she's...not really looking up.]
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[It's a tragedy that it had to happen. And Hibiki can't truly say the same about Kimblee. The tragedy there was that it happened to Sigrun. But while Hibiki might have some unkind words to say about Kimblee later, this isn't the place for them. And she can try to understand, right?
She nibbles on one of her dumplings before continuing. Her expression is thoughtful but warm, not necessarily energetic.]
Mm...it wasn't really suffocating. I was really jealous when they formed a unit with just three out of our twelve, but it's not like I stopped havin' jobs to do. I put my faith in Producer-san, and our agency found work over and over for all thirteen of us. I think workin' alongside other idols helps me be a better one than workin' alone would. Why do ya ask?
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[...Let's not mention the secrets, even if it's tempting to just...try to explain it. Try to explain Hibiki's future? She's not sure. Just from the way Hibiki talks, it sounds like the place she got into was...far, far better.
That's definitely not helping with the envy, though Sayaka's smile keeps on.]
...I guess I was just...wondering what it felt like, to have a group so big. Your Producer sounds like a wonderful person, to give you all such even, good attention and work. And...it doesn't even sound like they asked you to change who you were, to better suit the business.
[...]
You're so genuinely warm, Hibiki-chan. I don't want to see you lose that, if the business becomes cold.
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[She's listening to everything Sayaka is saying. Really, that secret is in the back of her mind as they talk. She'd hoped they'd be able to talk about nicer things, but maybe it's her fault for talking about her TV appearances?]
I had one of those dreams. I was waitin' for my job to start, and someone from staff had me get in the car to take me to the shootin' location. Except...he wasn't staff. He was someone else. He left me on the side of a country road, and I slipped when it started to rain, fallin' down the mountain. I was all alone. My phone didn't work. I was just cryin' in the rain because I listened to the first person I met. That I don't know how it all turned out is still drivin' me crazy! And there's nothin' I hate more than people who lie to others.
[She still doesn't know how her job is going to turn out. And...and her Producer's in the hospital after falling into a stage pit that didn't have the lift installed. She fidgets, tapping her fingers on the table quietly.]
But I'm still an idol. And if I keep workin' with everyone, they won't have to change me. Because when it comes to bein' an idol, I want to change myself, too. I love that job more than anything I've ever had.
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[There's something in Sayaka's tone, something--something that may not be expected, but she actually seems furious when Hibiki talks about that. It's not envy in her tone, it's--genuine shock, anger, probably hatred for that guy's existence because holy shit? What the fuck?!]
That's--that's horrid! They should have had someone with you so that something like that wouldn't have happened to you--that's just neglectful! That's hardly your fault, Hibiki-chan, and I can't believe that something like that--
[...ah, she's...she's kind of making a scene, isn't she? She deflates a bit, just...kind of shaking with anger?]
...Sorry, I...shouldn't have made a scene.
[...Sayaka's tone goes a little cold]
...My managers hovered around us like--like the paparazzi try to do at every turn. They tell us how to act, they tell us how to feel--they make sure we're listening to them, always. We're just supposed to everything they say, or they can just...take it away, in an instant, if there's something we don't agree with. That's to say nothing of the other groups and what they're willing to resort to...
I'm...I'm not so sure if I want to stay an idol, honestly.
[...There's more she could say. A lot more, but...she kind of clams up at that.]
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[She says the other idol's name quietly in shock, but she doesn't recoil away or anything like that. She's a little surprised, but a lot of the things she's hearing at first are things that she's thought before, too.]
You're fine, you're fine! I promise. That wasn't even a 'scene' compared to everythin' else going on here, so you're fine.
[Her voice is calm and reassuring, or at least she's trying to be. She wants to sound as sincere as possible here, but after her attempts at calming Sayaka down that emotion creeps back into her voice. She sounds angry, too. Or at least more determined than before.]
What you're tellin' me is really awful, too! That's not how people are supposed to be treated, not ever. We're not pets. As idols, we're supposed to take a lot of instruction and do our best, but tellin' you how to act or feel...I'd never forgive anyone who did somethin' like that to you or me or anyone! I know there are other agencies out there that do that, who will shame other idols but...but I didn't think you worked for one of them.
[That secret...that secret. If Sayaka was being controlled like that, of course she'd have to be competitive like that? Calmly, Hibiki tries to take one of Sayaka's hands and hold it in her own.]
I love that you're an idol. Just you bein' here makes me feel less alone, and I can tell that you're really good at it. Maybe even better than anyone in Namuko Productions. But I'd love to see a Sayaka that gets to feel how she wants and who gets to do what she wants. Nothing would make me happier!
1/2
[Sayaka's...still shaking a bit, but...honestly, she breathes a bit and looks up at Hibiki again. Lets her take her hand, even if she definitely seizes a bit--she's so unused to touch, and it's still weird. Even if she's...mmph.
It's funny, that Hibiki mentions being less alone with her around--it actually gets a laugh out of her that's surprisingly pointed, but...after that, she just breathes.]
...The main reason I became an idol, was...honestly, because I was so alone. When I saw those idols on TV--their beautiful, bright smiles...they made me feel less alone when nothing else couldn't, and I resolved to become one, you know? Because...because I figured if they were so happy, performing for others, I could do the same and smile for others, so they'd feel so much less alone. It...
[She...sounds so frustrated, just--]
I love performing for others, with the girls I consider more family than my own. I love it so much--it makes me feel alive, like I exist. Just being in front of those people, all of them, knowing that over 100 million people see me as a source of comfort--it makes me work as hard as I can for them, so I don't disappoint them. I want to give it my all, to make them happy. I can see it, sometimes, when fans are allowed to interact with us...just how much of an effect it has on them...it's elating.
And I...I know they could take that away from me in an instant, if I stopped listening to them. [She clutches tightly to Hibiki's hand, her eyes averting and going down. Her tone just...kind of bubbles with something.] I--I have to wonder if they see it as some kind of sport at home, to pit us against each other and make us fight so hard, and have the gall to praise us for throwing those girls under the bus...I hate it, I hate that they made it feel like instinct, I--
2/2
After tonight, she just...she can't.]
I hate that this place--this place, it's the closest I've felt to free in the last four years of my life...that I don't have to listen to the letter, that I can be me. Even if...even if 'me' just feels like a hollow bunch of nothing...
[She sniffles, a bit.]
I just...accepted that it was the way the world works, you know? But hearing about what you all do, and how...happy it all seems, it...
I--I envy you, Hibiki-chan. I envy you, and Namuko Productions.
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But they aren't here (thankfully). And she is. And those loneliness issues cut straight to the core. Sayaka's seen her secret. Never before has she realized that their secrets are sort of connected in their own way.
She rubs Sayaka's hand with her hand, slowly. It still sounds like pets to her, but she has a mind for animal metaphors. Dogs on a leash, dressed to perform or pitted against each other.]
I never knew all that. Of course I didn't, I mean...I never really asked ya, did I? I'm sorry, Sayaka. I wish I'd talked to you about this sooner.
[This isn't about her, but she's gonna try to relate. Also, damn. 100 million? She's not there yet herself.]
When I had that dream, it terrified me. What if I didn't make it back to the set on time? What if no one ever found me? I was terrified when I woke up that mornin'. Somethin' like that, I thought...maybe when I get out of here, I'm not even gonna be able to be an idol anymore. So...I think I understand that fear, at least a little. Because I love that feel when I perform, too.
[But. Geez.]
I hate that, too. I hate all of it. At first, I was kinda afraid of your secret. I thought maybe you hated idols or me or somethin', but...but now I see it's not like that all. You're not bein' treated well. And none of that's your fault. You just want to feel all those good things, to be happy and feel lively, right?
[Her voice finds some conviction. She's fighting the urge to sniffle herself.]
I hate that this place makes you feel free. Sayaka, I want to see you get out of here. I want to see you in a world that lets you do what you want. I want to see you make your own decisions and make people happy in your own way! So...so if there's every anythin' ya need, I want you to come to me, alright?
[That doesn't really solve any problems, but she can at least promise she'll do her best.]
I don't mind if ya envy me. There's plenty of people I've envied, too...even here. Rin for being so smart, and Elda for bein' so confident. But someday, you're gonna be in a place where you don't have to envy anyone for long. That's what I want to see.
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[Sayaka shakes, shudders a bit--but her tone is determined, if only slightly when she speaks.]
...I have to take responsibility for my actions. But I...want to be better than them--that's...something it took me until this place to realize. Otherwise, I would have been just...I would have kept doing that, until I found my way out of there. And I fought so hard just to keep performing with my team in the first place.
[...]
I promised that I was going to make the world beautiful. I want to do so much for the world...I want to be someone that people can actually rely on for something other than just...stabbing people in the back. [She wills her shaking down, and she...manages a smile.] ...Thank you, Hibiki-chan. I apologize for being so distant toward you, but...I will come to you, in the future. I...I promise.
[Her smile is...warm. Very warm--not like the sort of plastic smile one would expect, but...it's genuine.]
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[Then again, there's the whole cliff incident. She shakes her head.]
Taking responsibility is important. And you're already better than them for sayin' that, so you just gotta keep goin'. With all the talent you have, no matter what you do, you're gonna do amazin' at it! The world's gonna be so beautiful because of you, but you're also gonna have to promise to sing with me at karaoke sometime, okay? And I apologize, too, for avoidin' you.
[Hibiki's smiles are always pretty genuine, but this one is quieter, more relieved, more satisfied.]
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[...Hibiki's honestly amazing, in her eyes. She just hopes that the girl's able to find happiness or that no one tries to hurt her...]
Heehee...consider it a promise, Hibiki-chan, and I more than forgive you. Let's give it our all from now on, okay?
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[She remembers it sometimes...she's like a child, honestly.]
Hehe, I was worryin' maybe that I was too soft...but alright! I'll keep my heart open for as long as it takes us both to get outta here. Nankurunaisa!