One day we'll reach to emotions: unexplored, unprecedented

[matchbreaker]

[ Sometime shortly after the trial small notes will be folded underneath the doors of everyone still alive, and also posted to the staircase leading up to the upper floors. Not many of you have probably seen Elda's penmanship yet unless you checked that Penmanship check a while back, but it's impossibly impeccable fancy cursive script, to match with her old timey appearance. ... She also writes a lot more proper than she talks. ]

To My Fellows,

The half of you who didn't assist me in this are cordially invited to a celebration of our continued living, and to the memories of those who aren't. We are a mismatched group,
but it has become increasingly clear that we are together in this. Do not allow yourself to be alone.

We will be congregating in the ballroom for the rest of the night.

Better chefs than I will be providing food.

Sincerely,
Elda Marker

[ she's being somewhat facetious about half the group, but the fact does remain that she got more offers than she expected, when she set out to do this. She had expected that Sayaka would help, and indeed both her and Alex provide cookies and curry for the tables. Elda herself sets up the tables, dotting one longer central one made of smaller ones in the ballroom for things to sit on. The bulk of the food's provided by Tarrlok of all people, Chinese food by any other name. Susan, bless her, provides alcohol. Hibki, once she was clean, decided to run backup on preparing the food.

And then perhaps fittingly, Aligula provided the decorations. Steamers line the room, and little cut outs hang around. At Elda's instruction, it's a mix of cats, snakes, and bats. The majority of them have little faces on them. And finally, as and afterthought more than anything else, Elda makes some tea.

... Said tea is black tea and is impossibly dark and bitter because she can't taste it, but maybe that's what you want on a night like this. Who knows. ]

Comments

[destage]

Grab a seat, Tohsaka-san. I wouldn't mind the company at all.

[Come on by once you got your drink, Rin, she's happy to make this a party. Let's chat.]

[heritrix]

[She'll do that, then, disappearing for a moment. She seems to know exactly what she wants and where to find it, because
she returns shortly with a bottle of brandy. Bringing it over with a glass, she pours it neat; no fancy stuff here.]

I'd ask what brought you here of all places, but I think at least every week I've run into someone in an area I wouldn't expect.

[destage]

Honestly, I've...been coming in here since Fern-san died. Even all of the violence in here hasn't...really deterred me.

[Sayaka's smile is a bit more idle when she says that, just kind of staring into her drink.]

...Though, maybe seeing Archer-san's body before the trial started, to respect him, played a part in why I'm not averse to being in here.

[heritrix]

Without knowing, your imagination would twist it and make it twice as bad. Right?

[destage]

...I mean, I went in and saw Chie's body. I would've had a general idea, but...

[Sayaka looks into her drink, contemplative.]

Yeah. Yeah, I think that it would've.

[heritrix]

[Yeah, Rin remembers seeing Sayaka there.]

I'm glad you made the rounds, then. [...] Back when Sigrun died, I thought it would be better to spare you that sight, but if it's making it easier for you to cope, that's worthwhile. Half the point of open casket funerals is to help the living come to terms with what's happened.

[Rin takes a small sip of her brandy, savoring the flavor.]

[destage]

[...Sayaka masks the silence a bit with a sip of her margarita, but there's...a noticeable pause, and her eyes leave Rin for a moment, as if she's thinking. Once she's done, she'll look back at Rin.]

Well, it's part that, yeah. It's made matters...a little easier for sure. [...] Can I confide to you about something, though? The...other part, I suppose.

[heritrix]

Sure. I don't think anything you could say would make me get up and leave, at any rate.

[Sayaka's sometimes a little strange, but she's not a psychopath.]

[destage]

[...Rin, honey, you put entirely too much faith in this woman.

Sayaka just...sighs, a bit, swishing her drink around.]

...I keep remembering them so I remember...what it's like, when someone's life is taken. I have to keep that sort of thing fresh in my mind--it isn't hard to do, but...it reminds me of what's happened, and why I don't ever plan to succumb to the urge to murder someone.

[...yeah.]

[heritrix]

[WELL LIKE. /gestures at the various people in her canon that are her basis for comparison.]

For not wanting to put someone through that, or for yourself?

[Rin takes another drink, staring at the space across the bar.]

[destage]

...A bit of both. It's...more the cost of life, than anything, and all of the disgusting feelings it brings...if that makes sense?

[...Sayaka takes another drink, averting her gaze entirely.]

[heritrix]

Either way is valid, you know? There's nothing wrong with looking out for yourself, or for having standards... Or just disliking a certain feeling.

[destage]

Yeah. It's...keeping me very...I don't wanna say 'sane', but it's keeping me from getting too irrational, I think. Which is something that...

[...]

...I wish I had...over in the other school.

[heritrix]

[They talked about this a bit before.]

...You think it went badly?

[destage]

...No, at...this point, I know it did. Um...may I show you something?

[heritrix]

[Sensing the seriousness of the subject, Rin puts her glass down, turning in her seat to better face Sayaka with a nod.]

[destage]

[...Thank god for you, Rin, she...looks around the room a little to make sure that nobody will walk in, before lifting up her shirt a bit to expose her stomach.

She's never really talked about her wound at length to anyone but Elda, even if it's something she mentioned at the first meeting--the one Rin didn't attend. But what she'll be greeted with is a rather large looking scar, about the size of a kitchen knife that...probably gives a good idea of how she died.]

...I hadn't been able to explain this for weeks, but...now, now I think I can.

[heritrix]

[...yeah, a stab wound to that area would quickly be fatal. It would be terribly, and it would be painful. Rin stares at the scar with undisguised concern and empathy.]

Sayaka...

[That's such an awful end. Before, Rin had wanted to encourage her things would work out alright, but that was before Kimblee's trial, or the one they just went through.

Knowing he, Terumi, and Mikoto were all dead man walking despite being here makes the evidence staring them in the face impossible to deny.]

When did you figure it out?

[Even that time nearly two weeks ago, she'd seemed fearful.]

[destage]

[...Sayaka averts her gaze at that look of sympathy. She doesn't deserve it, but...she'll smooth her shirt back down once she asks about the wound, just kind of...]

I...think it was about the point that I got my memory of what was on the DVD back. Because my head wasn't in a good place, when I got it, so I...didn't have much faith in myself, you know?

[She looks down.]

My memories...they've just been getting worse. I knew for certain when I had my dream this week, that I was...basically dead, or insanely lucky. And I'm pretty sure it's the former.

[heritrix]

If your memories were of any other scenario, I'd still say the chance was 50/50, but with it so closely resembling what we're going through here... You're probably on the mark.

[destage]

...For better or for worse, I guess.

[Sayaka just...sighs, a bit, shivering. There's much she wants to say, so much--is it really right of her to do so, after this mess of a trial, though? It doesn't seem like it.]

I...just don't like being confronted with the reality of it. And...the reality of why. I understand it, now, but...it feels like the girl in my memories and I, we're...different people entirely.

[heritrix]

You are different now. There's no way around that. You've heard the theories of nature vs, nurture, right? The things we've been through shape who we are as much as the personalities we're born with.

So the Sayaka in your memories—she's not you anymore, but she is a facet of you.

[destage]

[...

Sayaka shakes a bit at that, honestly just...looking very struck. She keeps getting shocked by things like that, and it looks so stupid, so idiotic, so--]

...Thank you, Tohsaka-san. I...really appreciate that.

[heritrix]

[Rin starts to smile, but it flickers when she sees the look on Sayaka's face.]

Do you? You look like you're having a hard time processing it.

[destage]

[...]

I don't think I'm worth any of that sort of sympathy. Not...after what I did, there. It's a long story.