trustfell | I dreamed of a world so far from here that's not on the map

I dreamed of a world so far from here that's not on the map

To my Fellows,

What is "good" and what is "evil" is something that can be debated for longer than most of you will ever live, as is the nature of men. These debates are without meaning in my eyes. Despite that man's belief, men are not born to be good or evil, and what flaws they have in personality or character are things that can be overcome through their choices. Both for better and, as we've seen, for worse.

Life is not without suffering, but I should hope that every one of you is loved by someone. Loves someone. Many of you probably know that some of those loved ones are entering into an experience similar to our own. The terror of that is an undeniable sword which hangs above our heads.

Do not isolate yourselves, and hold onto what belief will best inspire you. And if you wish to join us for another one of these gatherings, meet us in the dining hall at 8PM.

Sincerely yours,
Elda Marker

PS: Those who can taste will once more provide food.

[ Well that sure is a lot of words which is being put under your doors, put on the fridge, and generally distributed around. It... uh, sure is a letter? It's in the same impossibly perfect cursive as last week, and is written with an almost angry bravado. Because even if she was vindicated at the end there, she was vindicated by a (by his own admission) evil priest. So. That feels bad.

Anyway, with some effort, the dining hall (which now has a lot of candles at Cabanela's little shrine, even with adding the two more here) is filled with food: Susan's got the booze as usual but also a big pot of mac and cheese. Adelina's done her noble best with some finger sandwiches. Yuri's brought some sweets that Estelle might've made. As for Elda, well, she still basically can't cook, so what she provides instead is:

A few board games including a Settlers of Catan, Sorry, and Candyland knock off. I guess we're playing games. Or at least she's suggesting it, who knew? ]

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Oh. Hey.

[ He blinks a bit, seeing the two drinks. Then he just rubs the back of his head and steps to the side. ]

...C'mon in.

[Rideaux doesn't flinch or anything, but he does kind of give a bit of an awkward stare for a moment.]

Hello. [...] Apologies for the knock. Not the most graceful, I know.

[He wasn't sure how this would go, so he was prepared to just hand Yuri a drink, give him space and be on his way. But with Yuri's invitation, he'll go ahead and enter.]

[ Yuri closes the door behind Rideaux because he does want a modicum of privacy here, after all, and no rude eavesdropping. Then, he'll just go to seat himself on the bed. ]

Yeah, well. Guess you can't be graceful all the time.

[ He didn't even know that was Rideaux's intention. He's thinking that he wants to share some drinks with him, so that's why he even invited him in. ]

[He's...not very good with this sort of thing. He figured Yuri might want to be alone tonight. But, admittedly, he's glad that he got invited in.]

Here, I made you something. It's Sangria.

[He moves over to the bed and offers one of the quite fancy drinks to Yuri. After that he'll take a seat wherever Yuri directs him to.]

How are you...holding up?

[The way he asks that is a bit stilted. He hears people ask that all the time, even when they know the obvious answer. But he wonders if it's still applicable...?]

[ He's not even expecting them to be that fancy, honestly. Yuri's tastes are simple, but that's not to say he wouldn't want to have some.

Yuri is going to be helpful with directing and gesture lazily across the room. Then, he'll just settle for patting the spot next to him. ]

I never thought I'd hear you ask me that.

[ ... ]

I'm doing better than I thought I would.

[ Actually, Yuri is not doing 'better', he's just sort of ... sitting there, holding the drink. He's sort of on autopilot, which probably isn't healthy at all, but after being angry for so long his emotions have decided that it was time to shut off so he didn't crash or something. ]

[He takes the spot, gently sitting down and crossing his legs like usual. He stares at his own drink for a moment before speaking up again.]

Typically I don't waste my time with questions that tend to have superficial answers. [In most cases, who is actually going to say they're not doing well?] It simply felt appropriate to do so this time.

[He doesn't really believe Yuri when he says he's doing better, either. He just lost a friend from his world, and presumably two more will be entering a game like theirs. In the end, though, Rideaux can't imagine such a scenario. He's never had someone to lose in that way.

...

A lie to himself for now, perhaps.]

I'm surprised to hear you say that. You can just tell me that you feel like shit. I would get it.

[So eloquently put, but he's serious about it.]

[ Yeeeah okay, he is quite obviously not doing fine. It can't be a bad thing for him to be up front here. Maybe it's not bad to let his defenses drop here, stop trying to be strong for the sake of being so, and ... he does exactly just that. His shoulders drop. ]

I don't --

[ ..... ]

Yeah... I feel like crap. But, it's not something I can get around, you know?

[ Yuri finished a little lamely there, but it's no surprise, probably. He doesn't really do the usual 'well I feel like shit' talk, because he's never saw a point to it. ]

[A step in the right direction, hopefully. Rideaux nods.]

I know.

[...

He ends up sighing to himself and shaking his head. Talking to someone after they've been through some shit...he can't remember the last time he's done this. And never with someone he has truly come to like, because until now there...hasn't been that sort of person in his life. He finds himself lacking something to say.]

I...am not going to pretend that I can understand what you are feeling, but I do want to reiterate that I mean what I said back at the trial. You don't have to deal with it alone.

[...That sounded so cheesy. And he said Julius had been going soft...]

[ Yuri had intended to do exactly just that this evening; he hadn't wanted to face it all alone. It was a lot to take in - Estelle's death, the uncertain fate of his two other friends. It was still hard, even for him, and so for once he needed someone to talk with this about. ]

Yeah? I probably worried you guys pulling something like that, huh?

[ Yuri's going to be taking a sip of his drink now. It's...really good. ]

...I'm used to dealing with my problems by myself. Doesn't look like it's going to be doing me much good right now, what with you talking sense into me. But, whatever, I guess I don't mind all that much. It might be too much of a pain to not have it at all.

[ Usually his tone would be lighthearted here, but it doesn't quite hit the mark. Still, he's grateful for Rideaux trying. ]

...Admittedly, yes.

[And it actually does sound like he's struggling with admitting that. It feels strange to admit that. He was never that great about genuinely caring about another's well-being, even as a doctor. When did this change come around?]

Believe me, that I can understand. Asking yourself, "What's the point? I'll just force it aside myself." when it comes to talking things out. [He shrugs, swishing his drink in the glass.] Talking to you these last few weeks, though...I don't know, I suppose I started to see some merit in just letting it go and venting with someone. So, I wanted to extend that to you as well.

[...]

I assume friends are good for that sort of thing.

[ He takes another sip of his drink. At least he's had a positive effect on people, despite his earlier momentary idiocy. ]

Yeah, friends do that sort of thing pretty often. You're doing good at that too, by the way. Even if you're probably not going to hear me practically crying about everything that went wrong in the last...few hours? Or night. Whatever.

[ He almost mentions Flynn or Judith, even if the latter isn't going to be present in any murdergames...but, it makes him not want to talk about it because of generally everything. He'll just groan and lean back so he's half lying on the bed while his feet are still on the floor.

He thinks of something (not) very nice to say. ]

At least Kirei died like that. Damn bastard deserved every moment of it.

Edited 2017-10-24 00:12 (UTC)

[Rideaux lets out a light sigh.]

I must admit that seeing you cry would be...difficult to deal with, so that is fine. [The awkwardness would be up to maximum, he is not equipped for that shit.] Still, glad you think so. I don't extend a hand often, but...I am not going to sit here and lie to you by saying you haven't left an impact. Even if you are prone to acts of rash stupidity.

[He probably wasn't going to get through this conversation without calling Yuri out on that. It was rash and stupid, but rage will do that to you. He'd like to say he's above it, but he really isn't.

As Yuri lies back, Rideaux finally takes a sip of his drink, pondering the execution.]

Yes. It was particularly gruesome, wasn't it? An eye for an eye, I would say. What he did to Estelle's remains was rather unnecessary.

[Maybe...not for the same reasons that Yuri would think, but...]

[ Even Yuri can't imagine himself crying. It's such a disturbing image he wishes it away, like jeez, and ah, there it is. Well, that is two for two with him being called out for doing something stupid. ]

... Good. Can't imagine you being anything else than honest with me anyway.

[ Even if he's lying down, he is going to be sipping the drink because he can't be assed to sit back up now. Amazingly, he doesn't spill any of it all over himself. He closes his eyes.

Yuri's glad he could say something like what he did, though. ]

I kind of figured that it was really just to be a horrible piece of crap, than anything else. It'd have implicated him less to have carried her around ... and then do all of that.

...Hell, while we're talking about this, what do you think about the idea that there's even an extra candle up for him now? You think there should be one at all in the first place?

[The question takes Rideaux off guard, since he's never really been asked about that memorial before. It forces him to put some actual thoughts together.]

If you would like me to be completely honest, the candles have always seemed pointless to me. Kimblee may have been insistent on remembering every member of the dead, but I disagree. If I truly wanted to jog my memory about someone who pissed me off, I would just look at the profiles. Why do anything to memorialize them?

[...]

I am sure the others feel obligated to include the executed, simply because their little moral codes prevent them from excluding anyone. But to me, it is almost as if by attempting to memorialize these people, they're willingly forgetting how much annoyance many of them caused us.

[He just does not understand this point of view at all.]

[ Yuri feels a surprising amount of relief to hear that from Rideaux, and he even turns on his side, to look at him before realizing it would be a pain in the ass to drink like this...so he just shifts to lying on his back again. At least someone else thinks the same thing. ]

Yeah, I agree. I'm not gonna forget who here was a pain in the ass easily, or at all.

[ He sort of understood. Kind of. But, he had thought about the whole 'equal in death' thing for hours now and his brain couldn't get past that. Especially since Yuri was thinking of just Estelle and Kirei in that context. ]

Maybe I just don't really get it either, but it's whatever. I didn't know if it was worth asking anyone else since people generally seemed to have accepted that it was a thing that should be happening.

[Rideaux in turn glances at Yuri after all the movement. He watches for a little bit, but eventually moves his focus right back to his drink.]

It is probably not worth asking, no. They've been doing it for weeks; I doubt they will change things up now.

[He shrugs after that, taking a long sip of his drink. Hm. Having drinks after a trial, reflecting...]

...Just like this little tradition we seem to have taken up.

[ There's a bit of a pause, as he begins to take another sip, and Yuri's thoughts immediately go back to the last time they were drinking after trial. He remembers them taking a photo on that thing of Rideaux's and how ridiculous it was--he makes a noise that might be a snort and almost spills his drink all over himself.

... He decides it's probably a good idea to sit up again now. ]

Yeah, though I like our tradition more.

[ Of course he would--not that he has a beef with people having candles for those he thinks actually deserves it...but whatever, a lot of hard thinking was done tonight already. ]

But I guess that shouldn't be surprising, huh?

[Yuri.......

Well that's going to get Rideaux to turn to face Yuri again, raising an eyebrow. Thankfully he didn't actually see Yuri almost do a repeat of last week. He wouldn't be letting Yuri live it down otherwise.]

It does distract from the situation, if only for a little while. And it is something that we can fall back on if we find ourselves in this situation the following week. So I am in agreement, obviously.

[He didn't want to say it's something to look forward to exactly, because he doesn't look forward to more trials. But it's just come to be something that they expect.]

[ He learned his lesson from last week, apparently. It'd have been one hell of a time to embarrass him; anyway, when Rideaux faces him, he brings the cup to sip at the drink again, looking right back. He just slowly raises an eyebrow in return, because he can't resist the urge to mess around a little. ]

...Yeah, that's right.

[ Pretty much, honestly.

There's a moment of silence following, and he looks down at his glass--it's almost done at this point too. Funny, how the weight of the recent events is still present, and yet it doesn't feel insurmountable anymore. ]

I'm really glad you came on by. Probably obvious and I didn't even need to say, but I thought should anyway.

[It's at least promising to see Yuri being up for something lighthearted, in spite of everything.

...

Huh, weird time for Rideaux to suddenly want to look the other way and focus on finishing off this drink. But it's possible to catch the slightest hint of him not knowing what to do with his expression before he does.]

Well, the fact that you did is appreciated. [...] But more than that, glad to have apparently helped.

[ Yuri will definitely be taking a quick peek at Rideaux, before looking back down at his drink again. He'll smile a little to himself, finally finishing his drink. He doesn't have anything to say for now, but maybe that's not so bad. ]

...Yeah. Thanks for the drink too.

[ He'll lean back against the bed again. ]

You can stay as long as you want or leave whenever. I don't mind.

[He gives a small and light laugh at the way Yuri phrased that, now letting the ice clink against his glass as he shakes it. He really has nowhere to be apart from sleep at some point, so...]

I will stay however long you want me to.

...Good.

[ Yuri murmurs this as he shifts more so his feet are now resting on the bed and he's back to lying on his side again in the exact same position as before. He's not this antsy all the time, really. ]

[This feels so strange to Rideaux. Hanging out with someone in their room as what he guesses is a comforting presence... He's never presented himself as an approachable person before, so he is not used to this at all. But something tells him that Yuri probably doesn't care that much.

He sets his empty glass down on the floor by the bed and then actually leans back so he's resting on his back beside Yuri. He's content to let the silence linger for a bit, just watching Yuri and letting his thoughts wander.]

...do you think you will be able to get yourself to sleep tonight?

[He wouldn't be surprised if Yuri was too restless after everything.]

I don't know.

[ Yuri's considered it, but even though he does feel tired, he can tell it'll be a long while before he nods off completely. It was less adrenaline and more because he has a few thoughts in his head that still haven't left him alone. All centered around what's happened today--and what may happen.

For a moment he thinks about his next words, eyes closing for a bit. ]

It might be kinda...hard.

[ It's an admission he doesn't like making, but once again if he's going to be straight up with someone apparently he's decided it'd be Rideaux. ]

2/2

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