trustfell | I dreamed of a world so far from here that's not on the map

To my Fellows,

What is "good" and what is "evil" is something that can be debated for longer than most of you will ever live, as is the nature of men. These debates are without meaning in my eyes. Despite that man's belief, men are not born to be good or evil, and what flaws they have in personality or character are things that can be overcome through their choices. Both for better and, as we've seen, for worse.

Life is not without suffering, but I should hope that every one of you is loved by someone. Loves someone. Many of you probably know that some of those loved ones are entering into an experience similar to our own. The terror of that is an undeniable sword which hangs above our heads.

Do not isolate yourselves, and hold onto what belief will best inspire you. And if you wish to join us for another one of these gatherings, meet us in the dining hall at 8PM.

Sincerely yours,
Elda Marker

PS: Those who can taste will once more provide food.

[ Well that sure is a lot of words which is being put under your doors, put on the fridge, and generally distributed around. It... uh, sure is a letter? It's in the same impossibly perfect cursive as last week, and is written with an almost angry bravado. Because even if she was vindicated at the end there, she was vindicated by a (by his own admission) evil priest. So. That feels bad.

Anyway, with some effort, the dining hall (which now has a lot of candles at Cabanela's little shrine, even with adding the two more here) is filled with food: Susan's got the booze as usual but also a big pot of mac and cheese. Adelina's done her noble best with some finger sandwiches. Yuri's brought some sweets that Estelle might've made. As for Elda, well, she still basically can't cook, so what she provides instead is:

A few board games including a Settlers of Catan, Sorry, and Candyland knock off. I guess we're playing games. Or at least she's suggesting it, who knew? ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't know. Anger? People think you should let all sorts of things go.

But, you know. You can't. Not with something like that. People who say you should just haven't ever had anything really bad happen to them, and they think that makes them qualified to give advice. [wow, uh, that was a well of bitterness that hasn't been tapped for a while.]

[She's... actually going to laugh at that. It's not a mocking laugh, nor is there genuine mirth to it. It sounds a little self-disparaging.]

I'm glad I told Emiya-kun that and not you. You would have decked me.

Would you have actually told somebody that about their family dying?

[Rin shakes her head.] Not intentionally. Emiya-kun's family did die, probably... He lost everything in that fire ten years ago, that Kirei and I were talking about. I didn't know that at the time.

[She'd planned an entire day to cheer him up, and he constantly held himself back from enjoying it, like he didn't think he deserved it. That frustrated her, and... Yeah, she very much did tell the kid with severe PTSD to get over it.]

...I see.

[She doesn't even have all the context and it already sounds really insensitive. But if she didn't know, well.]

People sometimes keep that sort of thing private.

It's okay to say it, you know. [She... smiles at Susan. An honest to goodness smile.] I've had bad things happen to me too, but I don't give much consideration to others.

I'm selfish like that. I'm a terrible person. Kirei calls it machine-like, rather than cruel.

[And to her, that might as well be the same thing.]

[...oh...god. All of a sudden, she really doesn't like this much?]

Well, I wouldn't listen to anything that man has to say.

[Only now??

The thing is, it's an assessment Rin is sure Kirei is correct about. His opinions she can easily discard, but facts are facts. Rin's too pragmatic for her own good sometimes. She's a strange contradiction; her self-confidence could keep her going for days, but the image she holds of herself is warped.]

It's not just him. I know it's a flaw of mine. [She wraps her arms around her middle, holding herself.] I used to think it was a strength.

At least you’re aware of it. You’re not just...doomed to keep on doing the same things forever, if you don’t like it.

[She knows. Bit by bit, she's been trying to fix that aspect of herself... Doing things she normally wouldn't just for the sake of trying, and seeing where that takes her. But it feels harder today.]

You really think that?

[This conversation feels reminiscent of one they had before, but on different sides.]

[Susan stops, to actually consider the question. It seems important to.]

...yeah. I do. Not so long ago, I probably wouldn't have, but...things can change. People can.

[That's such a good thing to hear after a terrible day, she can't help but laugh. It's not particularly mirthful, but it's relieved. Oh. Oh, I needed to hear that today.]

If even you can say it, then I know it can't be wrong.

I dreamed of a world so far from here that's not on the map

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