trustfell | I dreamed of a world so far from here that's not on the map

To my Fellows,

What is "good" and what is "evil" is something that can be debated for longer than most of you will ever live, as is the nature of men. These debates are without meaning in my eyes. Despite that man's belief, men are not born to be good or evil, and what flaws they have in personality or character are things that can be overcome through their choices. Both for better and, as we've seen, for worse.

Life is not without suffering, but I should hope that every one of you is loved by someone. Loves someone. Many of you probably know that some of those loved ones are entering into an experience similar to our own. The terror of that is an undeniable sword which hangs above our heads.

Do not isolate yourselves, and hold onto what belief will best inspire you. And if you wish to join us for another one of these gatherings, meet us in the dining hall at 8PM.

Sincerely yours,
Elda Marker

PS: Those who can taste will once more provide food.

[ Well that sure is a lot of words which is being put under your doors, put on the fridge, and generally distributed around. It... uh, sure is a letter? It's in the same impossibly perfect cursive as last week, and is written with an almost angry bravado. Because even if she was vindicated at the end there, she was vindicated by a (by his own admission) evil priest. So. That feels bad.

Anyway, with some effort, the dining hall (which now has a lot of candles at Cabanela's little shrine, even with adding the two more here) is filled with food: Susan's got the booze as usual but also a big pot of mac and cheese. Adelina's done her noble best with some finger sandwiches. Yuri's brought some sweets that Estelle might've made. As for Elda, well, she still basically can't cook, so what she provides instead is:

A few board games including a Settlers of Catan, Sorry, and Candyland knock off. I guess we're playing games. Or at least she's suggesting it, who knew? ]

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[Blue eyes flicker to Elda's smiling face, and there's a little more light in them. Just a little. Then she rests her head on the bed again.

She opens her mouth to say something, and it hangs partially open for just a moment, as if unsure. It closes soundlessly, then opens again.]

...the night father was killed, mother was badly injured too.

[ . . . Oh.

Oh, she's - She falters a little, her gaze not averting, but her expression softening. ]

... From that wording, she did not die.

[Rin shakes her head just slightly.]

It was a near thing. Someone strangled her, but she was resuscitated. Kirei got to her in time... [Her face scrunches up a bit speaking those words, as if they taste wrong on her tongue.] She was just never the same afterwards, from then until her death.

[...]

It's not like I didn't know he was a twisted person. [She looks down at the pictures in her hands.] I could barely contain myself three weeks ago, when I realized he probably saved her just to see her suffer longer.

[ ... Of course she didn't need to spell it out to Rin. She...

Laughs a little, because, ]

But the fact remains, that man cultivated a lot of what you are. It's impossible to not have some gratitude for that, as twisted as the results are. Or well, so I'd assume.

[She laughs, bitterly. If she didn't, she'd probably sob.]

He stole my life from me. [Rin holds the photos in her hand, flipping through them one by one.] It's just as you say: I am who I am because of him. It makes me angry, but I can even say he rubbed off on me in more ways than I appreciate. I'm awful.

But I like who I am. [Rin catches herself biting her lip; makes herself relax her face.] I've always hated him, but I can't picture myself any other way.

Don't say you're awful, what's with all your brats and saying things like that?

[ Huff. ]

At least you're assured, despite that.

[Rin frowns, and... She can immediately guess who Elda is thinking of. She wants to say that's different; unlike Sayaka, she does like herself. But she'd probably just sound whiny if she did...

Yeah, she just responds in the most deadpan manner instead.]

No. Assured is Tarrlok.

... And you're Courageous. One of the best titles here.

[This is actually going to make her snort, and pick up her head off the bed.]

You're joking, right?

No? Have you looked at he others?

Some of them are strange, sure, but they fit so long as you know your vocabulary.

[Rin lets her head drop back to the bed, tired. She's not sore about this, per se, it's just been a long day.]

I wouldn't say I'm a coward, but "Courageous" isn't the first one I'd pick for myself either.

Are you going to tell me that Amorous, Submerged, Attentive, or god forbid Edifying are more complementary?

[ she huffs a little. ]

I've found myself saying often I think Indomitable is too lofty too.

Submerged is just cruel.

[But she mutters this, and moves on, wiping her face again and shutting her eyes.]

I was arguing suitability more than anything. If it's complementary, then sure, I can say I have one of the better ones. But If that's the case, you should be twice as happy with yours.

That's true. I'm not sure Courageous is unsuited though.

[Would she argue it isn't? She doesn't think so, just that some are better. Rin hums lightly, running through alternatives, but her thoughts about it feel lazy.

It's only her head slips that she realizes she was starting to doze off, and she blinks hard.]

Right now, "Tired" is more like it.

[ Oh yeah... ]

Well, then shall I tuck you in?

[ She says it with some sarcasm but she... will. If Rin wants which she's sure she doesn't. ]

[Huff.] Don't be stupid.

[Rin reaches for a pillow, intending to throw it at her, but the motion halts halfway as the photos are disturbed in the process. Attention drifting back to them... She puts the pillow back down here in the middle of the bed, curling up to drop her head on it, and turn the photographs back the right way up.

Sadness unexpectedly wells up in her chest all over again. It's not the first, or even the hundredth time she's felt it like this in ten years; she's sure for that reason she'll feel better tomorrow, or the day after that. It just...

Her chest hurts, and her eyes are so sore. She decides to stop thinking about that, as she holds the photos close to her heart.]

But you don't have to leave right away, if you don't want to.

[Please stay.]

[ elda's eyes widen just a little, but then she looks down at her honeyed foot, shakes her head and brushes back her hair. She shifts the distance back to the bed, and she makes sure she's right next to the girl. A hand comes out to stroke her hair, digging her nails in just a little, to scratch her.

She's gotten way too soft - but then... this is why she came here. ]

Well, I'm curious to see your peaceful face anyway.

[She knows she should be humiliated. Maybe tomorrow she'll feel more embarrassed. Maybe not. Right now though, Rin just swallows thickly and closes her eyes. They're wet. Of course they're wet, and dampening the corners of her eyes. But it goes no farther than that, and she does not cry.]

Don't say something... so weird... [Her breathing deepens, and she sighs softly.] Hm.

[She should probably tell her to stop playing with her hair like she's some small child, too, but honestly the motion is soothing. She finds herself focusing on it instead of the ache in her chest.

Drowsiness creeps back up on her quickly after that, and claims her whole.]

I dreamed of a world so far from here that's not on the map

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