It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world

[hesperos]

[ So, Yuri's going to be going around, putting up slips of paper for everyone to see, because even with everything that was that trial, he is sure it could help. He doesn't know--it's worked from time to time before anyway and someone should do it. ]



[ Yuri, for once, is going to be making some food for the afterparty that isn't desserts. On his side of things, his food is generally going to be geared towards something more western-style and hearty. In essence, there is some things of curry with beef, chicken, and vegetables in them, take your pick. Sayaka and Kyrie also will be assisting with food, providing stuff that is likely to be geared towards something asian.

This whole set up, of course, is going to be done in the dining hall, since that's where it usually is. ]

Comments

Courier

[destage]

[It's probably later in the night that Sayaka just...happens upon Rin while walking back to her room, and she sees her putting something beneath her door...?]

Tohsaka-san? Is everything okay?

[heritrix]

[Rin doesn't jump, but she flinches. It was so quiet here, she was lost in her thoughts and didn't hear someone coming. Disguising the motion by adjusting her hair, she glances in the direction of the voice calling out to her.

...dammit. Putting aside everyone's right to privacy with these letters, Sayaka was exactly one of people she didn't want to run into right now. Rin... frowns, then adjusts her expression into something more casual, pushing herself up.]

Mail service. [Her voice is a little brusque, but it becomes gentler when she's able to look Sayaka in the eye, though her expression might not match.] You'll understand when you open it.

[destage]

[...Ah. That...mmm.]

...Of course. Thank you for this, Tohsaka-san.

[She'll go get that letter, then--she expects Rin to be on her way and not stick around, but she seems confused by the time she opens the letter and...takes...a look...

Oh. Oh, this is...

...Sayaka's probably gonna start to tear up in the hallway when she reads it, just...kind of struck by this. By the words Susan says, and just.]

...Ashworth-san...

[heritrix]

[Well, Rin probably would be gone, actually. It's a private moment she has no business intruding on, and whatever her grievances are at the moment, the girl has the right to mourn. Rin can be insensitive sometimes, but she's not going to take that from her.

...she just, very unfortunately, has eight letters to deliver, and Sayaka lives in Room #2. She was kinda, uh. The first stop. Second stop took Rin across the hall to Room #9, where she's trying to slip Susan's letter to Alex under her door.

SNEAK, SNEAK... DON'T MIND HER, SHE'S NOT HERE...]

[destage]

[...Well, in any case, she's...probably just going to go into her room, then, grabbing her key and going inside to properly bawl her eyes out, shutting the door behind her. She's not expecting Rin to come after her, or anything, so...

Well, consider yourself free, Rin.]

[heritrix]

[Well that was the shortest thread we ever had.]

[heritrix]

[Okay, no. No.

Rin's not sure what motivates her; maybe it's nothing. After sliding one note under Alex's door and then Tarrlok's, and hearing the door shut soundly, her body moves on its own. One moment she's one on side of the hall, and the next she's at Room #2, knocking loudly.]

[destage]

[...There's definitely a bit of a pause before Sayaka tries to open the door--the loud knocking manages to startle the hell out of her, and by the time she opens the door, it only opens a crack.]

...Y-Yes?

[heritrix]

[Rin doesn't push the door in, she's not Elda Marker. She's not going to barge into what should be a safe space. But she does look quite serious.]

Come here.

[destage]

[...Sayaka gulps a bit, but she does as she's told. She'll close the door behind her and get out there for Rin.]

...Yes, Tohsaka-san?

[heritrix]

[Once Sayaka is more in the hall than her own room, Rin...]

Honestly, I shouldn't be standing here.

[And Rin moves very quickly. It might look like a lunge, but it's not. Her arms are spread too wide for that, seizing Sayaka in a warm-hearted embrace.]

[destage]

[...Oh.

The words get a bit of a pause out of Sayaka, but the...well, hug, that gets her to pause even more. She isn't sure what she expected but this...was...not it...?

...She'll hug back, at the very least.]

...Thank you. You didn't have to.

[heritrix]

[Sayaka will hear a tisking sound in her ear, before Rin hugs her tighter. She sounds annoyed, but her voice is tight with something else too, an emotion that's harder to pin.]

It's because you say things like that that I have to, you idiot.

[destage]

...Why? You know I mean that, right?

[Rin, what the heck, are you tsunning, she does not understand this.]

[heritrix]

[Despite the icon choice, she's actually not. It might seem like it, due to her mannerisms, but she's confronting high emotions here too directly for that.]

I know! That's the problem! [That exclamation is hissed and not shouted, thankfully, as Rin pulls back.] Do you listen to the words that come out of your mouth sometimes? I don't deserve this, I don't deserve that. You didn't have to. It's tiring!

[destage]

[...Ah, that...gets Sayaka to back off a bit too, and pauses for a second. She...okay assumedly this is coming after a Talk with Luca, so it...takes her a couple seconds, like she's just kind of staring at this and trying to process this properly, but...

...Click. Oh, that...]

...No, I...don't, honestly.

[It's a very guarded start.]

[heritrix]

Maybe you should.

[Still heated, but... Something deflated there.]

I know you're still finding your place in the universe; it's going to take more than a few weeks to undo years of stifling yourself. If you don't know how to feel, that's fine. But stop acting like you're a condemnation to humanity!

[She waves her arm.] You talk about how no one should like you or how you don't deserve to have even an opinion so much, you'd think you're more odious than Aligula, Kirei, Terumi, Mikoto, and Kimblee combined.

[Which is crazy? Rin says their names like she wants Sayaka to really think about it, and what a tall order that is.]

[destage]

[...That's...

What the hell does she even say to something like that? She'd hardly call that stifling, for one, it...no, don't think about that. But...was it really that bad? Is that what the rest of them hear?

Oh gosh, no, don't tear up-- Sayaka rubs at her eyes, quickly, for a little bit after letting Rin's words set. She's...not honestly sure how to respond to that, and it's probably clear by the bewildered look on her face that she's. Just. Kind of both lost and trying to think, but...]

...I apologize for that, Tohsaka-san.

[Another start, with no real words beyond that--like it's just...said to break the silence, even if it is genuine.]

[heritrix]

[She's breathing a little heavily now, from saying so much, and watching Sayaka's face. It's not the reaction she wants, but that was never going to be on the table. So long as she's thinking about it.

She sighs, and rubs at her own face too, eyes shiny with moisture.]

It's not me you need to apologize to...

[Her voice is far less harsh here, but fragile. Like someone kicked her in the ribs.]

Doesn't it hurt you to think of yourself like that?

[destage]

[...It feels like such an obvious answer. It's one she winds up having to think about for a couple of seconds--enough time to see Rin's eyes and feel like she should do something, goddammit, she's an idol isn't she? She--]

...A little. It...hurts a little. [And that much is...actually pretty goddamn honest.] ...I'm so used to being told how to feel. If you want me to be honest, I'm...not all that certain.

[heritrix]

...Good grief. [She mutters this to herself, sounding truly unhappy. Wistful.] You're not as warped as he is, but that isn't saying much.

['He'? Rin shakes her head, and continues right on, voice stronger.]

No one's telling you how to feel right now. I can't be the first person to tell you not to be so hard on yourself; if it were that easy, you'd have been happier weeks ago.

Whatever's coming out of your mouth, then, is closer to the real deal. If you're uncertain about how much you're hurting, it just means your wires are crossed and you're not sure where that hurt is coming from.

[destage]

[...She really isn't, if the way Sayaka averts her gaze is any indication. Maybe not in those exact words, but it's...yeah. It's something that Sayaka can't help but feel embarrassed by, at least slightly.

The next bit, though, that...that actually gets a bit of a pause, and some blank staring. She doesn't appear to be sure--or at the very least, she doesn't seem to know the source entirely.]

...I think you're right, there. Even if I'm...not really sure of what wires are crossed? It's...

[She tries to think, but she winds up looking at Rin's eyes again, just...confused, mostly.]

I wish I knew. But...why are your eyes...?

[She doesn't finish, but Sayaka figures Rin will know what she means.]

[heritrix]

It's... [A sharp start, only to stutter and stop. It's nothing, she wants to say, but the space beyond her ribs won't let her. Rin presses her fist to her mouth.]

People can't be happy, looking down on themselves and living solely for others. [Her hand drops to the space over her heart.] I can't think of anything more tragic in the world.

[She's not mocking her. Even on a day like this, where so many people they cared about died, that has a special hurt for her.]

[destage]

[...Ah, that...mmm. That hits a little harder than she'd like to admit. But Sayaka can't help but think that it's coming from a more personal place...]

...It's truly that tragic?

[heritrix]

[She would be right. Rin simply nods.]

It's like watching someone drown in a shallow puddle. [Her hand drops to her side, brushing against something in her skirt pocket.] If I have to see it again, I might scream.

At it's furthest extreme, it won't end as badly for you as it would for him. That's the only comfort I can take from this.