Trustfell Mods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trustfellows) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trustfell2017-10-29 12:05 pm
trustfellows) wrote in trustfell2017-10-29 12:05 pm
Week 8.
Regardless of what you think of the most recent deaths, four more people have died this week. Milla Maxwell, Angel, Susan Ashworth, and Aligula are gone now, leaving you with about a quarter of your original number. Thirty-five down to twelve - this can't keep going for much longer, can it? Is there anything you can do? Saturday is given to regrouping and sleep; come Sunday morning, the clock chimes the hour at seven o'clock and there are no dead bodies to be found, so it can be assumed that all of you are safe for the time being. That said, you'll be feeling a little groggy when you wake up; it seems you've regained something that you didn't realize you'd lost... Unlike the previous weeks, however, it seems that either you've reached the end of the line or Jericho has decided to stop rewarding you for your effort; where there would usually be a stairwell to a new floor, you're met with nothing but solid wall. Perhaps it's distressing; perhaps it's a good sign. Only time will tell, and time isn't something you have a lot of around here. |
SUNDAY | MONDAY | TUESDAY | WEDNESDAY | THURSDAY
[OOC: Welcome to week eight of Trustfell! Feel free to make as many top levels as you'd like and tag out to other characters! This post is for all of your interactions this week... at least until the weekend. Don't forget to save those threads for coins and the activity check!
If you'd like to get in contact with the Coordinators, you can do so through private meetings with Hilda!]
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[Sayaka shakes her head, though, starting to get out some ingredients never the less. Or, the stuff that makes sense--beef, obviously, potatoes, carrots...maybe a few other vegetables? She looks contemplative.]
...How are you feeling, today?
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[ She breathes through her teeth even as she pours out the goblet. She ... hops up to sit on the counter? That's sure a thing she's doing. ]
I said I would be better today though, and so I am.
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[Sayaka's voice is even when she says that, though she doesn't make to smile while picks out...some misc vegetables to put into this. Onions, celery, probably some turnips too.]
I...wanted to ask if you wanted to talk today.
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[ She says this with a surprisingly girlish little giggle, but seems to acknowledge how much that seems like Aligula when she's in this dress, frowns, and takes a long swig from her goblet of blood. ]
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Why did you think you failed me? I...want to understand.
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She kicks her legs a little and she sets down the goblet. She glances at the Milla note she put on the fridge a moment before looking back at Sayaka. ]
Because I wanted you to understand unconditional love, and I wanted you to feel safe and secure - or at least as much as you can in this place. But every single time the boat is rocked even a little, you get caught up in your own head. You go on about good people and bad people and if you deserve things or not...
If I haven't weened you away from that after this long, then I'd clearly not done my duty as a "mother."
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[Sayaka pauses, for a moment.]
...It's on me, and... [...She's trying to find proper words, just kind of trying to get the gears to turn in her head.] ...Luca-san talked to me some about this last night, that I'm...not giving myself enough credit for how...I've been keeping myself away from doing that stuff. For keeping 'invasive thoughts' at bay.
...I'll admit, I don't understand stuff like what you described. [She doesn't look at Elda when she says that, but she looks more...neutral, than anything.] Maybe I just accepted it too quickly, without properly understanding what you meant by it. I don't...get, how something like that can exist.
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[ She's not that saintly. She packs up a step a little bit. She glances a little at the wall a moment. That isn't true. She can't hate all of humankind and let that be true. But at the same time, that's clearly contradicted by the fact that she's come to love Sayaka... right? There's no way.
And so... ]
The better way to put it might be that I love you, and therefore, none of that matters.
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[And to her credit, she looks at Elda when she says that, and she...honestly sounds sincere about it, before turning away. That's clearly where they differ, even if Sayaka's own definitions have...kind of skewed, in this place.
She'll contemplate that...in a while, or if Elda asks her to. She does seem confused at it, but...]
...Please continue, though. I want to understand.
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[ . . . She hums, and she kicks her leg a little. ]
People are not a well to be poisoned, you know. Nor... I know there is hypocrisy in me saying this, for how I have hated humanity, but that priest was wrong. "Good" people and "evil" people, where that trait is intrinsic, is ontological. I very much doubt that too.
[ She tilts her head ]
Sayaka. I don't want you apologies, but I want you to answer me, do you think you can lose my love?
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Some part of her wonders if she really did wind up taking Kirei's final bow a little too close to heart, after a certain point, and that...manages to get her to avert her gaze a bit. But that question, it...that kind of straight up bewilders her, because...uh.
It gets the far more realistic (horrid) side of her brain to work, and she seems to twitch a bit while she thinks, before just...]
I...don't actually know. [She pauses.] I'm not trying to say this out of...not wanting to give you a concrete answer. I know things that could make you hate me, easily.
[...]
Realistically, though? I don't think that I would ever attempt any of those things. They disgust me enough to even think about for more than a second. So...while my thoughts say 'yes', I don't really think I think so.
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[ But that said, the fact that Sayaka can think that hard and still come out with something like that... it reassures he somewhat, that the girl is at least not spiraling out of control. ]
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...Her look seems to dampen a bit at the remark, and she...mentally tells herself not to respond with that.]
...How is it, then?
[She's got a weird look on her face again, like she's just been thrown for a loop.]
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For me, it's simple. I love you, and I trust you to be you. I trust me to be me. And as long as those two things - you are the you that I love - and I am the me that loves you... anything else is impossible.
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...You don't even have to question it for a moment, then.
[It's more a statement of seeming fact, than anything. Not cold, or anything, but...not necessarily blank? The tone's a bit odd, and it seems like gears are turning, more than anything.]
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[ She answers, with a distinct firmness to it. It's not meant to be accusatory, it's more meant to be clear. ]
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Jesus. There's a lot she thinks to that, a lot of that's not how the world works, and the like, but...she wants to acquiesce. It'd be easier if she pretended to nod along and pretend she understood everything, but...]
...Please don't consider this a failing on your end when I say this, but...I don't know that sort of feeling at all. At this point, I...hardly consider myself proficient in love itself.
[And if anything, it's clear she feels guilty for that much.]
...Do you mind that I keep asking about this...?
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I don't consider that a failing. ... No, that's not true, I do a little. I had hoped I had taught you that by example. But I said as much to Alex weeks ago, that you didn't really understand it, not as I mean it.
But I can see it in your eyes, you know. You do feel it, even if you don't embrace it the same way I do.
[ Or she's a better actress than she ever, ever, ever considered. ]
But of course. Ask anything. As I said - everything for you, my dear.
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[Actually, that...makes her pause for a second, brow quirking a bit and some gears turning...]
How...would you say I embrace it?
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To have that question asked of her by a girl Sayaka's age, it's like a knife is thrust into her heart. But she smiles anyway, picking up the goblet and looking down into it for a moment. ]
However makes the most sense for you, I suppose? You're you, and I'm not you. But these things we are talking about, none of it is thought about. You don't do love. You fall in love.
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...Huh. That...gets her gears to turn a little more, and she thinks about that. It honestly gets her to the root of some of this stuff--when she started feeling the way she did. For Alex, it's...honestly easy to say it happened by accident. Idols don't fall in love out of fear of being rejected and shamed by the very industry they were brought into in the first place, and hell, that much is in her contract. It's why she doesn't really want a part in the business anymore, even if she still wants to do something with her voice...
For Elda? It's far more complicated. She thinks back to all of those weeks ago, and...she definitely just clung to the woman. She was afraid of what she could do to her, after she nearly managed to kill her. She appreciated the comfort that the woman brought her in times like this, even if she disdained her at the time. And it's exactly like Sayaka said; she's never had a mother, she's only seen them on TV, and...she doesn't actually know what it's like. But, if she clung for this long, then when did it start to change? Was it all just a fantasy? Or was the change real?
...Maybe that happened on accident too. Because by the time Jericho threatened to take the memories of someone important to her, Elda had already shot her way up to the tip top of the list, alongside Alex and Kimblee, and as someone she didn't want to lose. She's got no illusions of how the woman views humanity, and no illusions of how brash and brazen the woman can be. And...quite honestly, Sayaka knows she doesn't want Elda to change, or become someone different. This is her mom, and she wouldn't have it any other way.]
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It comes back, little by little. A smile finds it's way onto Sayaka's face, and she finds herself reaching out and running her fingers through Elda's hair a bit.]
...So, what you're saying is, they can happen despite the way the world seems.
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And before that, a family who... well, they're dead now.
But... oh. ]
Yes. How the world seems, all of it's immaterial as compared to what is felt.
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[She seems almost fond when she says that much, and just kind of runs her hands through and gently twirls the strands in her fingers. It's...idly said, and...it's strange. It really is kind of strange, and...]
...I don't know if I understand it...entirely. I admit that much, but...I think I can understand a bit better? It... [Hmm. She tilts her head a bit, as if in thought.] It doesn't ring hollow in my head, at least. Love itself doesn't, and...what you feel, I think I understand it a bit better.
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[ After all, this was about raising Sayaka's understanding of things. And... Elda's cheeks color a little, both at that and having her hair played with. That's fun, she does have a shit load of hair. ]
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